In the Desert

I am in the desert, both literally and figuratively. I mentioned in my last blog...so many months ago...that my passwords are always Bible verses. I am mired in Lamentations 3 right now, as I walk through and live in this desert. However, I chose Lamentations 3:22-23 as the basis for my password: "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."

I am living in the suburbs of Las Vegas, and thankfully my family has FINALLY joined me. My oldest son came in May, and my husband and youngest son came in July. I've missed them so much, but work continues to keep me away from them even now a month later. (I travel A LOT!) Deep inside, I wonder if this move was a result of following my and my husband's will, rather than God's. I wonder if it was driven by greed, as I received a large raise to come here. At the time I made the decision, I certainly didn't think so, but now I'm not so sure. Particularly since I have less in my bank account now than ever before, and I am deep in debt (really deep) from the move, having a house in Colorado that hasn't sold, and basically just overspending. My husband and I are not on the same page about money at all. Nor about a myriad of other things.

What else? My youngest son has developed a really poor attitude. He is surly and disrespectful. My oldest is entering public school as a Junior in high school. (And I am scared. He has been in Christian schools since Kindergarten, other than being homeschooled the last year and a half.) We just had a layoff at work that involved 244 people, and I was one of those who had to make some of the decisions whom to lay off. My heart aches for those who lost their job. Have I mentioned I travel a lot? I will be on the road part of every week between now and the end of September. I am so tired. And I feel so far away from my family, and my God.

Oh Lord, keep me focused on Your Word. May I breeze through the beginnings of Lamentations and get to the part about hope, Your love and compassion, and Your mercies (3:22-23). And then, bring me to the later verses...where I call on Your name, oh Lord, from the depths of the pit. Hear my plea: "Do not close your ears to my cry for relief." Lord, come near when I call you, and tell me not to fear. Oh Lord, you take up my case; you redeem my life. (3:55-58)

I wonder, do the peaks and valleys ever become more even? How is it I go through them so often? I am in the valley right now, much like my physical location in the Las Vegas valley. It's dirty and stifling. I had to take a one day trip to the "peaks" -- the mountains of Colorado -- earlier this week, and I cried at the beauty. Lord, bring beauty to my life in this valley...

I look forward to the morning...and Your mercies. Great is Your faithfulness!!!

If You Want Me To...by Ginny Owens

The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to

CHORUS: Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to

ALWAYS WITH ME

My passwords at work are always based on Bible verses. (It’s great when I have to give my password to one of our IT technicians. Sometimes I hear, “That’s a great verse”. Others ask what the verse is. And, sometimes, I receive a blank stare. In any case, it’s often a terrific witnessing tool…)

Currently, my password is based on Joshua 1:9 – “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” I chose this verse due to the new job I have accepted (within the same company) and my pending move to Las Vegas, NV. Many of you know I currently live in the Denver metropolitan area of beautiful Colorado. This is where the “discouraged” part comes in. I mean, really…who would leave Colorado for Nevada?? (Other than me, obviously.) The “afraid” part correlates to moving my teenage boys back to Las Vegas. For those of you who haven’t been there, the billboards and taxi toppers are enough to keep you in your house, or at least with blindfolds in your car for your kids. Luckily we don’t plan to live anywhere near downtown. “Be strong” is apropos for my current situation in which I am working two jobs during the transition, and traveling weekly back and forth between locations. I am REALLY tired, as both of these jobs are more than full time as it is. Sleep is limited to four (five on a really good night) hours each night. I need “courage” that this is the right move for my family. God has opened the doors (they were closed for some time on this job) and also given some confirmation since the decision was made that this is what we should be doing. Also, I’m stepping into a position held by my mentor, and someone who was incredibly successful, so courage is needed that I really can do this job! Add to all that I am heartbroken at leaving my church. Every single week I would swear that the pastor has peered into my life and decided to teach a message specifically for me. There are incredibly special people there as well. Any time I move I am afraid I will “never” find another church as wonderful as the last.

The good news is that God outdoes Himself EVERY time. Each church I have come to call home in each town I’ve lived draws me closer to God. I always end up changed in incredible ways through the church and/or the church family. So, that is where “For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” must come in. That portion of the verse gives me great hope. No matter where I go…whether it be Los Angeles, Kansas City, Denver, or Las Vegas, God goes also. Not only that, he prepares a way for me and my family. I can’t wait to see our new church, meet our new friends, and embrace the changes He has in store for our lives. Ultimately, I truly believe He will call me out of the work I’m in and pave the way for something more. Not more money or prestige, but more about Him. In the meantime, I will take this as part of the journey, and continue to praise Him, share His Good News, and live for Him as I go.

The Best Year of My Life

About a month ago I went to a speaking engagement for a well-known Christian speaker / preacher. I had heard a little about him before, and my main reason for going was that one of my friends who had recently started going to church with me seemed to think a lot of him. She had seen him on TV, and her family had also told her about him.

His message was a positive one…filled with hope and joy. But, there was something that bothered me about it. As I listened to the praise music, and then listened to his wife, and finally to him, I found myself wondering if he had ever faced true adversity. If he has, he didn’t mention it. And, praise God, I hope that’s true. But what that led to was my questioning if his message was “real”. Did it have substance? Could this really be the “best year of my life” as he indicated it could?

Candidly, no…this isn’t the best year of my life. And for some of you reading this blog, this wasn’t the best year of your life either. I can think of other years when my kids were really young and I saw the world with wonder and awe through their eyes. The year I was baptized (which was a number of years after realizing Christ as my Savior) was one in which I was on fire for God and incredibly close to Him. The year Kriss and I got back together after being separated a year and a half was a really good year…even before we reconciled, because we had become friends.

Every year that I can remember had its blessings and its heartaches. But, some were definitely “better” than others as a whole. God was in the midst of every year, and my faith does become stronger every year – so in that way, each year is better than the last. But, when it comes to the “best year of my life”…well, this year just doesn’t quite measure up.

Today’s message at church really summed it up – it comes from John 16:33, “In this world, you will have trouble”. But, in spite of that, “Take heart! I (Jesus) have overcome the world." Things will happen to us that we can’t control, but certainly we can control our response to them. As Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I recognize that is easier said (or read) than done. In the midst of turmoil and pain, it is incredibly difficult to not be anxious and to continue to have a heart of thanksgiving. So this is an area in which I agree with that positive preacher – if we focus on the negative, that means we have taken our eyes off of God and His perspective, which will only move us away from His perfect will and His plan for our lives. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from Me, or seen in Me — put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9) We cannot “name it and claim it”. The “Law of Attraction” has some Biblical truth as shown in this Philippians passage, but many take it too far in believing that if they just think hard enough, focus enough, or even pray enough, they can cause something they want to happen in their lives. Reading the book of Job will show you that just isn’t the case. We are not ultimately in control. But Job does provide us a model for praising God in all circumstances, and that He will work all things together for good for those who love Him. Job 42:12 says “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first.” I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me and my family, as I continue to trust Him and place my hope in Him, in spite of this year not being the “best”. I guess in terms of having something to hope for, it is the best after all…

The Shriver's Christmas Letter

December 2007

Merry Christmas to our Family & Friends!

C. S. Lewis once said, “The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.” Time is such a great equalizer, isn’t it? You can’t buy more time or spend more time than anyone else. So, here we are at the end of another year, reflecting on how we spent our time this past year, and anticipating what we will do with it next year. Hmmm…this doesn’t sound much like a Christmas letter does it? But, we do pray that you have come to this time of year thankful for the past and hopeful for the future. And, that’s what our Christmas letter is about this year.

The Shriver family is thankful for:

• We’ve had some ups and downs this year, but the end result is a family who spends more time together, parents who are much more in tune with our kids, and a renewed appreciation and admiration for how we can handle adversity.
• God blessed us financially this year, and we were able to buy a rental property that had 40+ inquiries on it within the first month. Our renters seem to be good people (and they signed a two-year lease)!
• Cody received his driver’s permit this year – and since Michelle hates to drive, she now has a built-in chauffer.
• Kriss had the opportunity to be an assistant coach for Justin’s baseball team, and they went to the State Tournament in Keystone, Colorado (and played some really good games there).
  Michelle took ski lessons for the first time…and though she’s not very good at it, she did have fun. And, there were no broken bones this year from the boys’ snowboarding!
• Kriss’ sister Erika, her three boys, and his mom are all coming up right after Christmas. The boys haven’t been to our home in Colorado before, and we are looking forward to a fun (and chaotic) time.
• Michelle’s parents adopted their three great-grandchildren – Alora, Devin & Dillon. While it isn’t always (or even often) easy, we are thankful these three beautiful kids have a home together and with family.

The Shriver family is hopeful for:

• Michelle has been offered a new position at Ameristar’s corporate office in Las Vegas. While we are incredibly sad to leave Colorado, we are thankful for this new opportunity for Michelle and that we’ll be within driving distance of much of our extended family. (We’ll be moving around June 2008.)
• Kriss had to take a break from college this year, but he is looking forward to taking more Graphic Design classes in Nevada next year. He already produced his first printed piece, which was a direct mailer for a local company – and it turned out GREAT!
• 16-year-old Cody will be a Junior in High School next year...can you believe it?? We’re going to have to start looking for colleges soon (and a great baseball program in Las Vegas to continue to enhance his skills so he can get a scholarship! He did show up in a local newspaper this year for his pitching skills.)
• Justin is now a teenager (age 13) and we look forward to seeing how this kid uses the gifts God has given him – whether it be academics, sports, music, humor or even cooking – what a diverse and talented kid!

Most of all, we hope and pray for a blessed 2008 for you and those you love, and we are thankful for you in our lives. “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11).

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Do Not Worry...

So, I had a blog post written and ready to go last week, and something (Someone?) told me to hold off on it. As I thought about it, I realized it was pretty “whiney”. I was having a little pity party for myself, which would have been pretty ironic to post right after my “Thankful” blog.

Why is it our mood so often swings back and forth? In one moment I can be filled with awe at God’s hand in my life, and then just days (sometimes hours) later feel despondent about relatively small problems. How can we have such seeming clarity to help others with their issues (or worse, become judgmental about what others can/should do about their problems), but answers to our own seem to allude us or appear insurmountable?

My mom is a worrier. It seems to be in her DNA to worry about all manner of things. Whether it be things she has control over or not, she worries about them. Whether they even impact her or not, she worries about them. I pray for my mom often. I pray for her health (as I believe the worry is wearing not only on her soul but on her body). I pray for her spirit (as her worry clouds her view of her world and she primarily sees what is wrong rather than what is right). How I pray that the mother of my youth would return – the woman who had people wait in line at the bank she worked at, just so they could go to her window. The mom who attended all of my gymnastic meets and enthusiastically clapped and cheered for me, and told those around her, “that’s my daughter.” (By the way, I wasn’t that great.) The aunt who joyfully sent birthday cards, holiday cards, congratulations cards, and all-occasion cards to her nieces and nephews for every occasion in their life…she always remembered, and even more, she cared so much for others’ happiness. Even back then, she worried about so many things, but it didn’t consume her thoughts and she seemed to enjoy life in spite of that. But today, I see her bitterness and resentfulness growing, which I believe is primarily a result of her worried spirit. When you are so focused on the negative, it’s hard to see through the darkness to the light. Oh how I pray for my beloved mom to find that light. And, candidly, I pray that I never allow that light to become dim in my own life. (I sometimes fear that I have that “worry DNA” from my mom…as it’s so easy for me to slip into the pity party and a sense of foreboding, as I mentioned above.)

Psalm 27:1 says, “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” 2 Samuel 22:29 says, “You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light.” The Book of Isaiah is filled with references to the Lord being our Light, and that He will light our way. Psalm 119:105 says, “Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”

But, it goes further than that. We are called by God to be His light. In Acts 13:47, Paul instructs, “For this is what the Lord has commanded us: 'I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.'" Ephesians 5:8 says, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.” Why? 5:9 says that “for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth.”

God’s Word and direction is always meant for our benefit. His commandments are not meant to restrict us but to set us free. Just as He told His people exiled in Babylon, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11) He went on to say, “’You will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’” (29:12-13)

Lord, I call upon you. I pray You will lead my mom back to the Light. I pray that you will remove from both her and I the spirit of worry, and may we focus on Your Word and follow Your commandment to “not worry” as You instruct us in Matthew 6. Lord, I seek Your will. I desire to follow the path You have set before me. May I always walk in the light of that path, rather than stumbling through the darkness to find my own way. Lord, You know the many decisions I have coming up. May I choose wisely based on Your guidance and leading in my heart. Lord, most of all, may I live out your commandments to be a light to others. Give me opportunities to do just that. May I use the gifts You have given me to serve others. Wherever my path (Your path) takes me, may I always take the time on that journey to be Your hands and feet along the way. I praise You Lord for the blessings you have so graciously given me. I praise You for the opportunities You have placed before me. All that I have, and all that is yet to come are Yours…may I always remember that and may the decisions in my life reflect that Thank you, Jesus, for Your perfect plans for me. Thank you, Jesus, for your love and care of my blogging friends, and I pray that You will light their path so brightly that their way is clear. I pray blessings on their lives, clarity for their decisions, and a spirit of joy and not worry each day.

Thankful

I am most thankful that God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is FOREVER faithful. He has taken situations filled with turmoil and confusion and turned them into blessings and hope. Some of the blessings were “in disguise”, but revealed themselves as blessings nonetheless.

In this season of Thanksgiving, I encourage you to take time to reflect on the blessings in your life. Even in the midst of pain, God is working in your life. Seek Him and look for His masterful hands working it all for good. If it’s not visible, trust Him. He loves you enough to die for you…

In addition to God’s saving grace, I am thankful this year that:

• My husband is a good man; one I adore and respect. In spite of our challenges, our “ups and downs”, and our often completely different points of view, I consider myself a blessed woman to have him. I thank God for him.
• My “wayward” son is home and safe…and my relationship with him is better than it has been for a long, long time. I do believe he knows how much I love him, and I pray that ultimately leads him to embracing the Lord’s love for him. He is beautiful, he has a good heart -- albeit easily distracted from goodness, and I believe in my heart he will do great things someday.
• My youngest son is smart, funny, has a strong sense of right and wrong, and oh how I know he loves his parents. I pray he knows how much he is loved in return. What a wonderful boy…a bit temperamental (as I suppose all teenagers are), but such a joy. He makes me laugh daily.
• My sister-in-law, her three boys, and my mother-in-law are all coming to visit for Christmas. We are so looking forward to having them here. We know that there will chaotic moments, but we are so blessed to have such a loving (and fun-loving) extended family.
• I have parents who love me and who are interested in my life and that of my family, in spite of having their hands full with a “new” family of their three adopted great-grandchildren. My parents are the model of selflessness and living for others.
• The Lord has blessed us financially, giving us the ability to respond to many unexpected expenses this year. I am in awe of His generosity, and I am also thankful that I know from Whom all blessings flow…
• I work for and with other Christians, in a business where one might not expect to find many (if any) Christians. My immediate boss is a Christian, at least three of my counterparts are Christians, two of my direct reports are Christians, and one of my direct reports has just started to come to church with me. I am surrounded by people who I care about, who care about me and who care about others.
• When I feel alone, afraid or disappointed, the Lord so often sends just the right song on the radio, a perfectly timed blog entry from a blogging friend, an email of encouragement, or even His tiny whisper through His Word or through an inward thought. He is ever present, and even when I don’t see Him or don’t sense Him for a moment, He is there. He is my friend, closer than a brother.

I primarily read the NIV of the Bible, but from time to time, I look at other translations to see if I can gain a different perspective. Psalm 34:1-8 is perfect praise, particularly at Thanksgiving, and I thought The Message version was especially relevant and beautiful for all circumstances this time of year…
“I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. I live and breathe God; if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy: Join me in spreading the news; together let's get the word out. God met me more than halfway, He freed me from my anxious fears. Look at Him; give Him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from Him. When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot. God's angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray. Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see – how good God is. Blessed are you who run to Him.”

Blessings dear friends. May you have a season filled with all manner of things to be thankful for.

Priorities

I’m currently listening to an audio book titled, When the Game is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box by John Ortberg. It’s a terrific reminder that at the end of the game of life, we don’t take our “stuff” with us. We leave it all behind… And, John asks, what do you want to leave behind? What will be your legacy? Will it be the accumulation of “stuff” or will it be an impact you made in others’ lives?

One of his quotes is, “Many people aren't living their priorities, they are trying to do guilt management...” I often find that to be the case for me. I have spent a lot of time defining my passions, my gifts and my priorities, but I have not yet completely overhauled my calendar to reflect those things. Instead, I handle the crises as they come... If I’m behind at work, I take time at home to try to get caught up. (By the way, getting caught up NEVER happens.) Then, when my family feels neglected, I put the work aside, but then the family is so used to functioning without me that we all end up in separate rooms doing separate things (surfing the internet, playing Xbox, reading, watching TV…). In the midst of that my mom calls from over 1,000 miles away and says, “I haven’t heard from you forever!” (I remind her it’s only been about a week, to which she responds that is too long.) Around 11p I remember that I was supposed to call the children’s ministry director at church to discuss volunteer opportunities, but it’s certainly too late at night for that…it goes on tomorrow’s “To Do” list (where it’s been for about a month). Oh yeah, all of the managers at work are reading First Break All the Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently, so before I drift off to sleep I pick up the book and end up reading the same page about three times because I keep nodding off. By the end of the day, I haven’t prayed as deliberately as I’d like, it’s hit or miss if I completed my devotions, and I sure haven’t had time to work on my “life plan” based on the previously mentioned passions, gifts and priorities. All this leads me to question what my priorities really are.

In the book, John tells a story of an executive who kept saying he would have more time for his family and himself, “once things settle down”. Guess what, folks…things never settle down. This executive kept climbing the proverbial ladder…up, up, up…until he fell off and died. Time ran out before he had the chance to “have more time”. There is no more time…we all have 24 hours in a day, and we all have a finite amount of time to live. How will you chose to spend that time? How will I??

The life story of Jesus is not about someone climbing up the ladder, but it is instead the Son of God descending the ladder to become a servant of mankind. The King of the universe deserved an earthly throne, but instead took on the cross. It was His outpouring of love that moved him to live and die for us. What will we live and die for?

"Lord, I desire to live for You. I pray for Your priorities to be my priorities. Help me to live my life based on Your calling, and may my daily calendar and actions reflect that. Forgive me Lord for climbing a ladder that has led me away from my family and even away from You. Help me to descend that ladder and create a clear path for me to follow. Lord, I know that you call us to step out in faith. It is not enough to ask You to show me the way, I have to take it. The priests carrying the ark had to step in the river before you stopped it from flowing. Moses had to stretch his hand out over the sea, and the Israelites had trust You to walk through enormous walls of water on either side of them to reach safety. Give me the strength to trust You fully, and may my mustard-seed size faith move any mountains that block my path. Thank you, Jesus, for descending the ladder and modeling for us on this earth how to really “live life”."