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Saturday, November 15, 2008

ROLLER COASTER

My goodness...how life gets crazier and crazier! How many times can I write about peaks and valleys?? When do I get off this crazy roller coaster? Even if I have to go through that jerky ending of the ride when you get whiplash as the roller coaster starts and stops, I'd be happy to be nearing the end.

That sounds kind of morbid, doesn't it? I don't mean it that way. Yes, I'd love to be living in heaven, but I'm not looking to get there anytime soon, and that's not what I meant by getting off the roller coaster ride. Oh whatever...I'm going to leave this train of thought and get on with it.

Work is as stressful as ever. We had yet another layoff yesterday; this one involving almost 500 people companywide. It breaks my heart, and I just pray and pray for all those affected. And for all those (including me) who wonder if they're next. It is not a good time. And, my workload just keeps getting more and more overwhelming. And my dear husband is tired of hearing about it, and I'm tired of being resentful that he doesn't work. Well, actually, he does work...around the house, doing all of the shopping, and taking the youngest wherever he needs to go. (The 17-year-old now has a car, and boy does he use it.) Yes, my husband really does work A LOT.

My oldest son is not in a good place right now. He's starting to exhibit much more concerning behavior that is reminiscent of when I started my blog and the intense challenges we were having with him. Tonight he and I really got into it for something he had done. He accused me of never being here and that his dad is always yelling at him. As I explained that he alone is responsible for his choices, not us, inside I felt terribly, terribly guilty. I am in a job I'd love to leave, making an income I don't know how to replace somewhere else, traveling extensively, and working an insane amount of hours. He's pretty nearly right. While "never" certainly isn't accurate, "rarely" probably would be.

My husband saw an ad for the program Total Transformation (which is about transforming your relationship with your child...and seeing a total transformation in their out-of-control life), and I ordered it. While doing some research about it, I found a blogger who recommended it (http://holymama.org/), and you've got to check it out. She is so funny, so real, and is a self-proclaimed "sorta shallow Christian mom", though I don't really believe it about the shallow part. Anyway, you're sure to love her blog.

So, I am also looking into studying for a real estate license. Oh, I know it's a HORRIBLE time to get into real estate, but for some reason I just feel led to do it. I can't get it out of my mind. Perhaps this is a way to get ready for a life (and career) change.

And then, if I'm not busy enough, I signed up for Heritage Makers because I wanted to make some keepsake books for family members this Christmas. And since I can't do anything halfway, I decided I needed to be a consultant. Ha! But, hey, feel free to check it out...it really is an amazing way to tell your life / family stories and give a truly unforgettable and meaningful gift: http://www.heritagemakers.com/330883.

My current password at work is based on Psalm 9:9-10 -- "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You."

I am seeking Him. He is my refuge. I could not survive these times of trouble without Him. How I wonder how people make their way through their crazy roller coasters of life without Him. I think they end up dizzy, nauseous and completely disoriented. Thank goodness He is our compass, and also our stronghold. While I'm on this crazy ride, He's keeping me secure so I don't tumble out on one of the loops.

Thank You, Lord, for never foresaking me, even when my son is right. Thank You that You never leave me...may my son, my husband, my other son, and those reading this blog feel Your love around them and know You are there...ALWAYS.

4 comments:

Linds said...

Roller coaster, and contrasts - I wrote about something similar yesterday. Your life is extremely busy at the moment, and you seem to have so much on the go that roller coasters, which are beyond our control, fit the bill! Be gentle with yourself, my friend. You are not expected to be everything to all people. Be kind to yourself too.
Have a great week!

Sharon Lynne said...

Your roller coaster analogy is a good one. And God's in the coaster with you. He will never leave you or forsake you...and he's fast enough to keep up with you!

May God give you contentment in your situation...as you rely on him.

P.S. --and don't sign up for any more new projects!

Diane @ Partners in Prayer said...

Michelle,

How I wish I had found your blog earlier in the evening. I'm so tired right now, I don't even remember how I got here! In my heart of hearts....I know it was God-directed!

You have a powerful blog!

I understand the Roller Coaster ride of life--and can identify so with what you have written.

May I suggest a(nother) book? While I've done a little reading of past posts--and think your oldest is 16 or so--I think "Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children: Six Steps to Hope and Healing by Allison Bottke would be a valuable resource for you and your family. If you visit my blog--I've written more about how this book has literally changed my life and my interactions with my own (adult) son. It is transforming--and is a practical resource for parents, about parents, and written by a parent!

I plan to bookmark your blog and come back to read more. Love the name! Love the content! and love the spirit that shines through.

Blessings~

Dawn said...

I seem to come and go here at your site. I have had to go private, for v3ry sad reasons, but would love to invite you to visit if and when you have a minute. I feel for you so deeply - roller coaster is a good analogy - I hate them in amusement parks and I hate them in my life. Life is still not easy, but God is working in both of our kids' lives.

If you'd like to have access to my blog, feel free to send me an e-mail to dawn.carlson@colostate.edu and I'll send you an invitation and fill you in a bit on the why.

Have a blessed Thanksgiving - take it easy!