I just love my church, Red Rocks Church in Golden, Colorado. The pastors and people who attend are just so “real”. It’s a church filled with young couples and lots of college students (we are PACKED Fall through Spring, and most other times as well). Honestly, I’m probably in the upper ¼ age-wise, and I’m not yet 40! But, I guess I’m still young at heart, because I feel so at home there. I love it too that both my teenage boys enjoy going and sitting with me in church.
This past Sunday, we had our second message in a series titled “Evolve”. It’s about evolving our walk with Christ, and I was really moved. I have been growing closer to the Lord through prayer, but in the craziness of life, I have not been as diligent about reading His Word on a daily basis. Yet, when I do, I am significantly challenged and changed. I have now moved back all of my appointments at work so that I have at least ½ hour in the mornings before meetings start. I work at least 60 hours a week, so I think I can afford some time for me at the start of my day. I receive a daily devotional by email from Proverbs 31 Ministries that will be perfect to get me going. And while I always listen to Christian radio in the car, I’m sure there are good devotionals on tape or CD out there that I can plug into as well. I am so excited!!
Now my next challenge is to spend some time writing freelance. I have a course on Copywriting for the Christian Market (through the American Writers Institute), but I haven’t had time to work on it. Between work, homeschool lesson planning and grading, blogging (which also feeds my soul), watching my boys play sports, fixing up our rental property and showing it to prospective lessees, and all the other stuff of life, I have not found a way to fit this in. I also want to write some articles to see if I can get them published, but that hasn’t happened either. Whew…I am tired just thinking about it all. And I have to be really careful not to lock myself in my office on my computer, away from my husband and kids. It is so easy to get lost in cyberspace or even in my own thoughts and musings, and to miss out on “real life”. How do all you other bloggers do it?
Listening to the radio, I heard a quote that originated with Rick Warren in his book Purpose Driven Life, which was “do not confuse activity with productivity”. There is so much that fills our day, and much of it feels important and necessary…but it is really? Is how we are choosing to spend our time truly productive in the sense that it moves us into closer relationship with the Father? Do our activities honor God? Also, in the day-to-day of life and work, do our activities move us toward our goals? At the end of the day do we have a sense of accomplishment, fulfillment, and have we contributed toward those feelings in others’ lives? Finally, what are the goals we are working toward? Do we have a “purpose-driven life” or are we allowing life to just happen?
At the end of every day, I am often amazed at how busy I was. I run out of daylight long before I run out of work to do. I usually run out of steam, too, before I am finished with all of the tasks at hand. There’s a funny saying that is so true…”the problem with the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat”. I don’t want to win the rat race; I want to win the prize that God has prepared for me. 1 Corinthians 9:24-25 says, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” Part of our strict training (which, to me, means “daily”) is the discipline of reading God’s Word to hear His instruction, praying to the Lord and listening for His guidance, and serving the Lord in the areas He has called us. And, oh the beauty of the crown we will then get to wear…the crown of love and compassion (Psalm 103:4), the crown of blessings (Proverbs 10:6), the crown of everlasting joy (Isaiah 35:10), and the crown of righteousness (2 Timothy 4:8).
Isn’t it wonderful to be a child of the King? May I run the race toward Him…the finish line.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
He's My Son
My heart resonates with this song even though I know it is meant for a child who is physically ill. I believe that it is just as poignant for a child who struggles with emotional or spiritual illness, and it is my heart’s cry…
He’s My Son by Mark Schultz
He’s My Son by Mark Schultz
I'm down on my knees again tonight
I'm hoping this prayer will turn out right
See there is a boy that needs Your help
I've done all that I can do myself
His mother is tired
I'm sure You can understand
Each night as he sleeps
She goes in to hold his hand
And she tries not to cry
As the tears fill her eyes
CHORUS:
Can You hear me?
Am I getting through tonight?
Can You see him?
Can You make him feel all right?
If You can hear me
Let me take his place somehow
See, he's not just anyone
He's my son
Sometimes late at night I watch him sleep
I dream of the boy he'd like to be
I try to be strong and see him through
But God who he needs right now is You
Let him grow old
Live life without this fear
What would I be
Living without him here
He's so tired and he's scared
Let him know that You're there
CHORUS
Can You hear me?
Can You see him?
Please don't leave him
He's my son
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Career Christian
My baby turns 16 years old tomorrow (Monday). Oh my goodness!! First of all, I cannot believe I’m old enough to have a 16-year-old son. Second, where in the world did all those years go? Today my heart breaks not for my son and where his life choices have taken him, but instead my heart is breaking over my choices. I have missed so much. As the “breadwinner” of the family, I have felt much pressure to “succeed” and I have worked many long hours to achieve that. There have been so many times I wished I could chart a different course, but I didn’t feel the latitude to do it. This is the life my husband and I chose…but is it really wrong to want to “renege” on it? I adore my husband, and he is such a good man. I truly desire to honor him, but this is something we don’t see eye-to-eye on. And, can I blame him? I am asking him to change direction in the middle of life by enabling me to take another career path. This would undoubtedly change our financial situation and thus our lifestyle, where we live, and the options available to us.
I cling to Ephesians 5:33, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” I know God will honor my submission and bless our marriage. My husband has given up much of his life to care for our boys and our home, but what is funny [interesting] is that I know he would rather be out conquering the world while I would rather stay home. (I believe Wild at Heart by John Eldredge is right on that point.) The reality is that he does not believe he can match my "accomplishments", nor my salary, so he stays at home while I work. How did we get so reversed? I know I am driven, have an incredible work ethic, am able to work well with many different types of people and, candidly, probably have a high need for accolades. Success at work feeds those attributes. And so, I progressed quickly…to the point that instead of holding a job, my job has complete hold of me. I make an incredible amount of money and have stock options and other perks, but all I want is to spend time with my family and write freelance. Instead, my husband “gets to” spend time with our boys, homeschools our oldest, is an assistant baseball coach for our youngest, and his creative outlet is playing the guitar (really well, I might add). He dropped out of college (studying graphic design) to homeschool our highschooler. What he views as a loving sacrifice, I view as luxury. There are times I must fight off jealousy, knowing that emotion is so incredibly destructive and “that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:21).
But that is not all…as I am also struggling with the environment in which I work. I am painfully aware I have not stated what type of work I do. It didn’t used to bother me as much, but as I draw closer to the Lord and seek His will for my life, I feel uneasy. I know my work does not define me, and I am confident in my salvation, but I believe the Lord is pulling at my heart…and my hands and feet…to consider how I can better serve Him. You see, I work in the casino business. There, I said it. It’s out in the open, and I cringe at the criticism to come. I remember the time when I came across someone from my son’s Christian school (the basketball coach) sitting at a bar in our casino in Kansas City. He asked me how I felt working at a casino as a Christian. It was all I could do to not ask him how he felt sitting in a casino bar as a Christian. Instead, I answered that the Lord knows my heart and that I am making an honest living. I work hard, I act with integrity, and in fact, I work with other Christian believers. My boss, the Senior Vice President at our corporate office, came to believe Christ as her Savior about two years ago. Two other General Managers for different casino properties are born-again Christians…with one desiring to enter into fulltime ministry. We just hired a Vice President of Human Resources who is a Christian. Our Corporate Director of Finance is a Christian, as is the Vice President of Administration, Communication and Entertainment. I have a Bible on my desk, and I’ve invited people to church. I don’t mean for this to sound as justification, and I guess I say it to ease the reader’s mind that Christians really are everywhere and in every walk of life. The first time I realized that not everyone knew or believed that was when I was attending a Bible study at my church. A couple of months into the study, one of the woman admitted to me how horrified she was upon learning where I worked. She wondered what in the world I was doing at a Bible study. So, when she finally spoke to me, she apologized…though I had no idea why until she told me. She said she had judged me and had initially determined I must not really be a Christian, and that she had previously judged anyone the same who worked in such an environment. She said she now realized how wrong she had been, and this was a significant lesson for her, one in which she better understood the Lord’s instruction on judgment and mercy (Luke 6:36-38).
My husband does not share my uneasiness. Nor does he see “a way out” without detrimental impact on our family. So, on the eve of our son’s 16th birthday as I pray for his future and for new beginnings in his life, I also pray for new beginnings in my career, and for a new future as well. I pray the Lord will open doors, my husband’s heart, and my eyes to see the path he has for me. I desire to be a “Career Christian” and while I will need to continue to do that in my current environment, I also know the Lord has plans for me…"plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
I cling to Ephesians 5:33, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” I know God will honor my submission and bless our marriage. My husband has given up much of his life to care for our boys and our home, but what is funny [interesting] is that I know he would rather be out conquering the world while I would rather stay home. (I believe Wild at Heart by John Eldredge is right on that point.) The reality is that he does not believe he can match my "accomplishments", nor my salary, so he stays at home while I work. How did we get so reversed? I know I am driven, have an incredible work ethic, am able to work well with many different types of people and, candidly, probably have a high need for accolades. Success at work feeds those attributes. And so, I progressed quickly…to the point that instead of holding a job, my job has complete hold of me. I make an incredible amount of money and have stock options and other perks, but all I want is to spend time with my family and write freelance. Instead, my husband “gets to” spend time with our boys, homeschools our oldest, is an assistant baseball coach for our youngest, and his creative outlet is playing the guitar (really well, I might add). He dropped out of college (studying graphic design) to homeschool our highschooler. What he views as a loving sacrifice, I view as luxury. There are times I must fight off jealousy, knowing that emotion is so incredibly destructive and “that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Galatians 5:21).
But that is not all…as I am also struggling with the environment in which I work. I am painfully aware I have not stated what type of work I do. It didn’t used to bother me as much, but as I draw closer to the Lord and seek His will for my life, I feel uneasy. I know my work does not define me, and I am confident in my salvation, but I believe the Lord is pulling at my heart…and my hands and feet…to consider how I can better serve Him. You see, I work in the casino business. There, I said it. It’s out in the open, and I cringe at the criticism to come. I remember the time when I came across someone from my son’s Christian school (the basketball coach) sitting at a bar in our casino in Kansas City. He asked me how I felt working at a casino as a Christian. It was all I could do to not ask him how he felt sitting in a casino bar as a Christian. Instead, I answered that the Lord knows my heart and that I am making an honest living. I work hard, I act with integrity, and in fact, I work with other Christian believers. My boss, the Senior Vice President at our corporate office, came to believe Christ as her Savior about two years ago. Two other General Managers for different casino properties are born-again Christians…with one desiring to enter into fulltime ministry. We just hired a Vice President of Human Resources who is a Christian. Our Corporate Director of Finance is a Christian, as is the Vice President of Administration, Communication and Entertainment. I have a Bible on my desk, and I’ve invited people to church. I don’t mean for this to sound as justification, and I guess I say it to ease the reader’s mind that Christians really are everywhere and in every walk of life. The first time I realized that not everyone knew or believed that was when I was attending a Bible study at my church. A couple of months into the study, one of the woman admitted to me how horrified she was upon learning where I worked. She wondered what in the world I was doing at a Bible study. So, when she finally spoke to me, she apologized…though I had no idea why until she told me. She said she had judged me and had initially determined I must not really be a Christian, and that she had previously judged anyone the same who worked in such an environment. She said she now realized how wrong she had been, and this was a significant lesson for her, one in which she better understood the Lord’s instruction on judgment and mercy (Luke 6:36-38).
My husband does not share my uneasiness. Nor does he see “a way out” without detrimental impact on our family. So, on the eve of our son’s 16th birthday as I pray for his future and for new beginnings in his life, I also pray for new beginnings in my career, and for a new future as well. I pray the Lord will open doors, my husband’s heart, and my eyes to see the path he has for me. I desire to be a “Career Christian” and while I will need to continue to do that in my current environment, I also know the Lord has plans for me…"plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
The Relevancy of our Godly Heritage on 9/11
I have one child (7th grade) in traditional school (private Christian school, actually) and one child (10th grade) in homeschool. There are definite advantages to both, but today I was especially glad to be preparing the lesson plan for my 10th grader, as there was so much I wanted him to hear and learn on this date of 9/11. We started our morning at 7a Mountain Time watching MSNBC, with news footage of that devastating same date, 9/11, six years ago. It is amazing how the feelings and tears came rushing back to me so quickly. I had to tear myself away and leave for work while my husband and son continued their “history” lesson, but I had already prepared a Bible lesson as well, centered around the book, “Sept. 11, 2001 – A Time for Heroes; A Tribute to American Faith, Guts and Patriotism”. The book starts simply yet powerfully with the words of Jesus, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). The second page continues with the words of President George W. Bush, “These acts of mass murder were intended to frighten our nation into chaos and retreat, but they have failed. Our country is strong. Terrorist acts can shake the foundation of our biggest buildings, but they cannot touch the foundation of America.”
And, what exactly is the foundation of America? It can be found in our Declaration of Independence, which speaks of God’s laws and of our Creator. It can be found on our coins’ motto, “In God We Trust”. It can be found in the last stanza of our national anthem, which reads, in part, “…Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n-rescued land praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation! Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just, and this be our motto: ‘In God is our Trust’…”
So, it is as it should be…history and the Bible intertwined and united. The First Amendment says nothing about the "separation of church and state." It simply states that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof...." And, in my household, we study both together, just as God spoke of His reign and of the history of the earth together in Psalm 46:
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire. ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’ The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
How appropriate and relevant is God’s Word!
And, what exactly is the foundation of America? It can be found in our Declaration of Independence, which speaks of God’s laws and of our Creator. It can be found on our coins’ motto, “In God We Trust”. It can be found in the last stanza of our national anthem, which reads, in part, “…Blest with vict’ry and peace, may the Heav’n-rescued land praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation! Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just, and this be our motto: ‘In God is our Trust’…”
So, it is as it should be…history and the Bible intertwined and united. The First Amendment says nothing about the "separation of church and state." It simply states that "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof...." And, in my household, we study both together, just as God spoke of His reign and of the history of the earth together in Psalm 46:
“God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire. ‘Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.’ The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress.”
How appropriate and relevant is God’s Word!
Sunday, September 2, 2007
Prayer in Context
As I was lamenting current situations in my professional and personal life, a mentor and friend said, “Are you praying about it?” My immediate response was “Yes,” but then I had to think. Am I really praying about it? Or am I complaining to God about it? Am I praying for answers, or am I praying to vent? Am I praying with the intent my heart will be changed, or am I praying that others and circumstances will be changed?
In another blog today (I am so sorry I don’t remember whose) I read that in America Christians pray for the problems to be removed off their back, but in other countries Christians pray for their backs to be made stronger. I have not been praying for a stronger back; I have been praying for a lighter load. And, that wouldn’t be a bad thing I suppose if I was truly following Matthew 11:29-30, which says, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." But, if I look deep into my soul, I have to admit that I’m not taking upon Christ’s yoke, I am trying to throw off any and all yokes. But, what is a yoke? The definitions I found are that a yoke is (1) wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals are joined at the heads or necks for working together, and (2) a clamp or similar piece that embraces two parts to hold or unite them in position.
My goodness! I need a yoke! What a blessing to be joined together with Christ for the purpose of working together! And, I want to be embraced by Christ and united with Him! I have been looking at my burdens all wrong, and praying about them with the wrong intent.
It’s just like reading the Bible in context and really seeking to understand what God is saying (rather than what we’d like Him to say or what we think He should say). Hebrews 12:1-3 reads, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” This passage says to throw off everything that hinders us …not to just throw off everything. And, it admonishes us to run the race marked out for us…not the race we want to run or think we should run or the path that looks the best. The passage tells us to consider the opposition Christ encountered and that we should not grow weary or lose heart. I have been praying for removal of the opposition…removal of the yoke…without realizing what the yoke is really for. It is not to restrain me, it is to guide me alongside Christ, to join me with Him.
I have much to be praying about...my children, my marriage, my occupation, my finances, my future…but I’ve been lax in praying about my heart in these situations; I’ve neglected to ask God to strengthen my back to be able to carry the yoke; I haven’t considered the opposition Christ endured and counted myself blessed to be in His company. And, thanks to God, that my opposition isn’t the same as His, but that He cares just as much about my life and my hurts…and your’s…that He willingly puts on that yoke to carry it with us.
In another blog today (I am so sorry I don’t remember whose) I read that in America Christians pray for the problems to be removed off their back, but in other countries Christians pray for their backs to be made stronger. I have not been praying for a stronger back; I have been praying for a lighter load. And, that wouldn’t be a bad thing I suppose if I was truly following Matthew 11:29-30, which says, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." But, if I look deep into my soul, I have to admit that I’m not taking upon Christ’s yoke, I am trying to throw off any and all yokes. But, what is a yoke? The definitions I found are that a yoke is (1) wooden bar or frame by which two draft animals are joined at the heads or necks for working together, and (2) a clamp or similar piece that embraces two parts to hold or unite them in position.
My goodness! I need a yoke! What a blessing to be joined together with Christ for the purpose of working together! And, I want to be embraced by Christ and united with Him! I have been looking at my burdens all wrong, and praying about them with the wrong intent.
It’s just like reading the Bible in context and really seeking to understand what God is saying (rather than what we’d like Him to say or what we think He should say). Hebrews 12:1-3 reads, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider Him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” This passage says to throw off everything that hinders us …not to just throw off everything. And, it admonishes us to run the race marked out for us…not the race we want to run or think we should run or the path that looks the best. The passage tells us to consider the opposition Christ encountered and that we should not grow weary or lose heart. I have been praying for removal of the opposition…removal of the yoke…without realizing what the yoke is really for. It is not to restrain me, it is to guide me alongside Christ, to join me with Him.
I have much to be praying about...my children, my marriage, my occupation, my finances, my future…but I’ve been lax in praying about my heart in these situations; I’ve neglected to ask God to strengthen my back to be able to carry the yoke; I haven’t considered the opposition Christ endured and counted myself blessed to be in His company. And, thanks to God, that my opposition isn’t the same as His, but that He cares just as much about my life and my hurts…and your’s…that He willingly puts on that yoke to carry it with us.
Monday, August 6, 2007
Share Truth
It has been so long since I last posted. While life has progressed, it seems much has digressed as well. Maybe it's the summer months...which, especially when you have kids, becomes less structured and thus can be more chaotic.
My heart couldn’t be any more full and overflowing, but yet broken, for my family. Before I had children I had no idea I had so much capacity to love…and hurt. And as I try to come to terms with the situations that cause the love to overflow, and those that cause my heart to break, I often allow those “feelings” to get in the way. I want more times of happiness and less times of grief. And so I try to force the happiness. I make decisions and concessions I wouldn’t otherwise make…which only prolong the hurt.
I recently watched the movie “Pride”. It’s about an inner city swim team, and a coach who helps the youth…and the community they live in…believe in themselves. He doesn’t do that by telling the kids what they want to hear. He doesn’t do it by becoming their friend. Instead, he speaks truth in their life. And, in the movie, they listen.
I know life doesn’t always happen that way. Some of you, and myself, have spoken the truth to our children only to see them turn away and continue to take the wrong path. It’s at those times I find myself most vulnerable…most likely to compromise and chase after them. I turn my head to what’s wrong in their life so I can continue to walk alongside them. But, then, you will find your kids are still on that wrong road. And, instead of being prompted to turn the other way, I am enabling them to continue walking on it.
In the middle of the movie, I got it. I paused the movie and wrote it down. “Speak Truth.” And then I wrote, “Earn the Respect.” Being my kids’ friend may give me moments of peace and even of happiness, but I believe if I focus on the friendship, rather than on the truth…which really is love…the end of that road will end in sorrow.
I often accuse my husband of being too hard on our oldest son. I feel he is driving him away. From my point of view, he appears harsh, unforgiving and angry about our son’s behavior and his mistakes. Honestly, he has a right to be angry. The trouble our son has found himself in is destructive, expensive, and has turned our life upside down. I know my husband loves our son…I just don’t think he knows how to show it without seemingly condoning the behavior he abhors. On the other hand, my husband accuses me of being too easy on our son. He feels I don’t hold him accountable and that my leniency gives him license to misbehave. In fact, he probably believes I love our son more than I love him, as I often take an opposing view and “stand up” for our son. I think we are both right. I think my husband drives him away, and then I widen the chasm by trying to be the peacemaker and not just forgiving but overlooking our son’s mistakes. At the same time, this creates a valley in our marriage relationship. Honestly, it’s not just our son that is creating strife in our household…it’s us…and it’s me.
As I traverse through life, and struggle to find my way on unmarked paths, I have made so many wrong turns. It is only when I look up, instead of on the path, that I find my way again. I get so wrapped up in the scenery alongside the road (beautiful and ugly) that I miss the Light above that is there to guide me. When I do that, I find myself in darkness…devoid of light not only around me, but in me. But there is always a way out…a path to the sunshine…a path to the Son.
“O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it. Where can I go from Your spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall fall on me,’ even the night shall be light about me; indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You.” – Psalm 139:1-12
Yes, such knowledge is too wonderful. And even in darkness there is Light. As I focus on that, may I speak in truth, knowing that the Lord is beside me…and understanding that the Lord is equally beside my son and my husband. It is up to me to be the peacemaker…but not in the way I have been up until now. I can bring peace and happiness to my soul in spite of all circumstances. And maybe as I speak the truth, others will listen. Or perhaps it will plant a seed. Even so, the truth might be for those who look in our lives from the outside. If nothing else, the truth shall set me free.
”Jesus, be my truth. May You give me the strength, courage, and wisdom to speak Your truth in love. Keep my eyes upon You, and my feet on Your path. Illuminate my way. And as I walk in that Light instead of chasing others or becoming distracted by what I see on the way, may those I love turn and join me. In Your name I pray. Amen.”
My heart couldn’t be any more full and overflowing, but yet broken, for my family. Before I had children I had no idea I had so much capacity to love…and hurt. And as I try to come to terms with the situations that cause the love to overflow, and those that cause my heart to break, I often allow those “feelings” to get in the way. I want more times of happiness and less times of grief. And so I try to force the happiness. I make decisions and concessions I wouldn’t otherwise make…which only prolong the hurt.
I recently watched the movie “Pride”. It’s about an inner city swim team, and a coach who helps the youth…and the community they live in…believe in themselves. He doesn’t do that by telling the kids what they want to hear. He doesn’t do it by becoming their friend. Instead, he speaks truth in their life. And, in the movie, they listen.
I know life doesn’t always happen that way. Some of you, and myself, have spoken the truth to our children only to see them turn away and continue to take the wrong path. It’s at those times I find myself most vulnerable…most likely to compromise and chase after them. I turn my head to what’s wrong in their life so I can continue to walk alongside them. But, then, you will find your kids are still on that wrong road. And, instead of being prompted to turn the other way, I am enabling them to continue walking on it.
In the middle of the movie, I got it. I paused the movie and wrote it down. “Speak Truth.” And then I wrote, “Earn the Respect.” Being my kids’ friend may give me moments of peace and even of happiness, but I believe if I focus on the friendship, rather than on the truth…which really is love…the end of that road will end in sorrow.
I often accuse my husband of being too hard on our oldest son. I feel he is driving him away. From my point of view, he appears harsh, unforgiving and angry about our son’s behavior and his mistakes. Honestly, he has a right to be angry. The trouble our son has found himself in is destructive, expensive, and has turned our life upside down. I know my husband loves our son…I just don’t think he knows how to show it without seemingly condoning the behavior he abhors. On the other hand, my husband accuses me of being too easy on our son. He feels I don’t hold him accountable and that my leniency gives him license to misbehave. In fact, he probably believes I love our son more than I love him, as I often take an opposing view and “stand up” for our son. I think we are both right. I think my husband drives him away, and then I widen the chasm by trying to be the peacemaker and not just forgiving but overlooking our son’s mistakes. At the same time, this creates a valley in our marriage relationship. Honestly, it’s not just our son that is creating strife in our household…it’s us…and it’s me.
As I traverse through life, and struggle to find my way on unmarked paths, I have made so many wrong turns. It is only when I look up, instead of on the path, that I find my way again. I get so wrapped up in the scenery alongside the road (beautiful and ugly) that I miss the Light above that is there to guide me. When I do that, I find myself in darkness…devoid of light not only around me, but in me. But there is always a way out…a path to the sunshine…a path to the Son.
“O Lord, You have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, You know it altogether. You have hedged me behind and before, and laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain it. Where can I go from Your spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? If I ascend into heaven, You are there; if I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there Your hand shall lead me, and Your right hand shall hold me. If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall fall on me,’ even the night shall be light about me; indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, but the night shines as the day; the darkness and the light are both alike to You.” – Psalm 139:1-12
Yes, such knowledge is too wonderful. And even in darkness there is Light. As I focus on that, may I speak in truth, knowing that the Lord is beside me…and understanding that the Lord is equally beside my son and my husband. It is up to me to be the peacemaker…but not in the way I have been up until now. I can bring peace and happiness to my soul in spite of all circumstances. And maybe as I speak the truth, others will listen. Or perhaps it will plant a seed. Even so, the truth might be for those who look in our lives from the outside. If nothing else, the truth shall set me free.
”Jesus, be my truth. May You give me the strength, courage, and wisdom to speak Your truth in love. Keep my eyes upon You, and my feet on Your path. Illuminate my way. And as I walk in that Light instead of chasing others or becoming distracted by what I see on the way, may those I love turn and join me. In Your name I pray. Amen.”
Monday, May 14, 2007
Where is Your Focus?
What a week... Have you ever had a breakthrough, or an “aha” moment, or made a decision you felt really good about, only to then be tested, challenged, or thrown a curve ball that takes you off track from where you thought you were going? A couple of weeks ago I was feeling really good about the direction I was going, the goals I set for my life, and I felt confident I was moving in the right direction. Then, almost immediately thereafter, along comes the test. It’s as if my resolve, my strength, and my inward joy are being called into question. I feel in my heart the questions are being asked, “Did I really mean what I said in my April 23 blog? Do I actually thank God for my trials?”
First, we had a really tough interview with a Case Manager for my son. This person was condescending, judgmental, and even disparaging toward my son, my husband and I. She questioned my husband’s motives for leaving the workforce to be a stay-at-home dad. She expressed her distaste for our decision to homeschool our son. And she basically tore down my son to the point he stopped talking to her. I have never been through an experience as demeaning and hurtful as this one. I do praise God we should never have to deal with her again.
This has also been a tough week in terms of getting enough sleep. Between late-night meetings at work, getting my youngest to school in the morning, baseball tournaments that start at the crack of dawn on weekends, and lesson planning for homeschooling, my energy is waning. And my time with God has been the first to go, which then compounds my feeling of being drained.
Sorrowfully, we’ve learned that my mother-in-law has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and it seems to be progressing quickly. My grandmother also had Alzheimer’s, and it truly is a devastating disease. Once a vibrant, witty, full-of-life woman, my grandma became disoriented, confused, forgetful (to the point of not knowing her family), and eventually lost her speech. My husband’s sister is the only child living in the same town as their mom, and she is feeling overwhelmed and frightened. She has three children of her own, and starts a new job in June. Finances are tight, and while we can help somewhat with that, I know from experience how important emotional support (and a break / escape from the situation) can be. She is in my prayers daily.
And now, there are mounting problems at my place of employment. The team of people I am responsible for are starting to develop unhealthy “cliques”. A key member of the team unexpectedly resigned in the midst of a critical project he was responsible for. There is an accountability issue with yet another team member. I am feeling discouraged with the recent backward progress. (Those two terms don’t belong together, do they? It’s pretty much an oxymoron to have “backward progress”.)
Of course, we are still walking a long road facing the realities of my oldest son’s troubles. Between court dates, meetings with investigators, case managers, counselors, attorney’s fees, and restitution to be paid (not to mention missed days of work, my husband dropping out of school to homeschool him, the loss of friends my son has experienced, and all the other things I’ve already relayed in the past), it can be daunting to think of what all the future holds.
So, I have to ponder, am I allowing others to steal my joy? Who am I expecting to fill my emotional needs? I am again reminded that it is through the difficult situations in our lives that we grow the most, learn the most-lasting lessons, and become the most reliant upon the Lord. In all of my 39 years, I have never identified more with the saying, “I know God won’t give me more than I can handle; I just wish He didn’t have so much confidence in me.” However, I’ve realized it is when I take my eyes off Him that doubts, fear and frustration rise up in me. It turns out I am not only dodging the curve balls, but have actually started throwing them in my own life. By not keeping my eyes, heart and mind focused on the Prince of Peace, Mighty Counselor, and Savior, they become focused on the muck and mire of the world.
How do we do this practically? I mean, it’s nice to say and all, but how do we stay focused on the Lord rather than our circumstances? Trust me, I’m not an expert, or I wouldn’t need to keep coming back to this place. But when I recognize I’m getting off track, there are some things that help redirect my path. The Bible makes no secret of these things; all we have to do is follow them. And thankfully they are not hard, but they do require dedication, time, and effort. Once you’re in the habit, however, you’ll find the effort and emphasis you placed on lamenting over your troubles were actually harder.
1. I said it my last post, “Pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17 NKJV). And, I really mean “without ceasing”. Keep the music off in the car, and pray as you drive. Post sticky notes around your house if necessary to remind you to pray, or to remind you of scripture verses so you can focus your mind on them and pray by reciting scripture. Pick up a book by Stormie Martin, who has written numerous books with practical prayers for you as a mom, woman, wife, etc. Start your day in prayer, before you get out bed (i.e., between the times you’re pushing the snooze button), and end your day in prayer. Spend time journaling your prayers (and then be sure to record the answers!). Before having a conversation with another, before picking up a ringing phone, and before walking in the door after a hard day’s work (or before your husband does), pray that your words would be a blessing, uplifting, truth spoken in love, or whatever the situation may call for. Train yourself to pray continually, and you will find yourself doing it even without prompting.
2. Probably the most common exhortation you receive from your pastor, from Christian writers, and from many other sources is to stay in the Word of God. The Reverend Billy Graham says that he leaves his Bible open somewhere in his home or office (or wherever he is traveling), so that he will come across it during the day. He then takes the opportunity to read a verse, or a chapter (or more) as he comes across the Bible. What a great idea! And, how many of us have more than one Bible, so we can leave them open in different areas of the house?! (Thanks to Jerry B. Jenkins for this tidbit about Rev. Billy Graham.)
The Bible is such a terrific “instruction book” for life. As it says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path” (Psalm 119:105 NIV). So often I will come across scripture that ministers to my soul in a way that speaks directly to my current situation. I know that this is one of those ways that God “speaks to me”. And, the more I am in the Word, the more I learn and the more encouraged I become. So, while you’ve heard it before, it bears repeating: Study the scriptures!
“The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing in the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.” (Psalm 19:7-8)
3. By serving and ministering to others, you keep your focus off yourself and on others. It truly is “more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). This doesn’t have to be elaborate…you can make a difference even by emailing a quick note to a hurting or concerned friend, penning a letter to let someone know you are thinking of them or praying for them, or sending a greeting card that contains a poignant verse. In return, I have been so uplifted by responses to emails I’ve sent (or comments I’ve made on blogs). Sometimes I wonder if the responses I receive have more impact on me than the original recipient of my writings. Serving and ministering can also be done very practically through volunteerism (whether at your church, local food pantry or at a homeless shelter). One thing I would caution here is to ensure you are serving within your gifts. For example, don’t sign up to help with the children’s ministry unless you love being around kids and are blessed with a good dose of patience. Also, charities have many different needs for which you can volunteer your time. If you don’t feel working directly with people is one of your gifts, find out if your local soup kitchen needs administrative / office work done, or if they could use your help with fundraising (if those are your gifts instead).
Bottom line is that it always helps me to put into perspective my situation when I read and/or respond to the struggles of others. As it says in Proverbs 16:3 (NKJV), “Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established.” Plus, what a joy it is to serve God in ways that he himself served (a kind word to someone hurting, feeding the hungry, etc.).
4. Finally, I encourage you to consciously remember your blessings. Do this is a very real way, such as writing them down in a praise journal or verbally thanking God for them during your prayer time. If you have trouble, read through the Psalms, and you will see the many different ways and times David praised the Lord, in spite of his troubles and persecution by Saul. By focusing on your blessings, the Lord has an opportunity to give you peace and joy that surpasses all understanding. “Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart” (Psalm 97:11).
It seems fitting here to list just some of the blessings I have experienced in the midst of my turmoil recounted above.
If you have actually read through this entire blog (what a marathon!), I would love to hear about the methods that work for you in keeping focused on God, especially when faced with pain, anguish or confusion. Thanks, and may God pour His richest blessings out on your life, regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in.
First, we had a really tough interview with a Case Manager for my son. This person was condescending, judgmental, and even disparaging toward my son, my husband and I. She questioned my husband’s motives for leaving the workforce to be a stay-at-home dad. She expressed her distaste for our decision to homeschool our son. And she basically tore down my son to the point he stopped talking to her. I have never been through an experience as demeaning and hurtful as this one. I do praise God we should never have to deal with her again.
This has also been a tough week in terms of getting enough sleep. Between late-night meetings at work, getting my youngest to school in the morning, baseball tournaments that start at the crack of dawn on weekends, and lesson planning for homeschooling, my energy is waning. And my time with God has been the first to go, which then compounds my feeling of being drained.
Sorrowfully, we’ve learned that my mother-in-law has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and it seems to be progressing quickly. My grandmother also had Alzheimer’s, and it truly is a devastating disease. Once a vibrant, witty, full-of-life woman, my grandma became disoriented, confused, forgetful (to the point of not knowing her family), and eventually lost her speech. My husband’s sister is the only child living in the same town as their mom, and she is feeling overwhelmed and frightened. She has three children of her own, and starts a new job in June. Finances are tight, and while we can help somewhat with that, I know from experience how important emotional support (and a break / escape from the situation) can be. She is in my prayers daily.
And now, there are mounting problems at my place of employment. The team of people I am responsible for are starting to develop unhealthy “cliques”. A key member of the team unexpectedly resigned in the midst of a critical project he was responsible for. There is an accountability issue with yet another team member. I am feeling discouraged with the recent backward progress. (Those two terms don’t belong together, do they? It’s pretty much an oxymoron to have “backward progress”.)
Of course, we are still walking a long road facing the realities of my oldest son’s troubles. Between court dates, meetings with investigators, case managers, counselors, attorney’s fees, and restitution to be paid (not to mention missed days of work, my husband dropping out of school to homeschool him, the loss of friends my son has experienced, and all the other things I’ve already relayed in the past), it can be daunting to think of what all the future holds.
So, I have to ponder, am I allowing others to steal my joy? Who am I expecting to fill my emotional needs? I am again reminded that it is through the difficult situations in our lives that we grow the most, learn the most-lasting lessons, and become the most reliant upon the Lord. In all of my 39 years, I have never identified more with the saying, “I know God won’t give me more than I can handle; I just wish He didn’t have so much confidence in me.” However, I’ve realized it is when I take my eyes off Him that doubts, fear and frustration rise up in me. It turns out I am not only dodging the curve balls, but have actually started throwing them in my own life. By not keeping my eyes, heart and mind focused on the Prince of Peace, Mighty Counselor, and Savior, they become focused on the muck and mire of the world.
How do we do this practically? I mean, it’s nice to say and all, but how do we stay focused on the Lord rather than our circumstances? Trust me, I’m not an expert, or I wouldn’t need to keep coming back to this place. But when I recognize I’m getting off track, there are some things that help redirect my path. The Bible makes no secret of these things; all we have to do is follow them. And thankfully they are not hard, but they do require dedication, time, and effort. Once you’re in the habit, however, you’ll find the effort and emphasis you placed on lamenting over your troubles were actually harder.
1. I said it my last post, “Pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17 NKJV). And, I really mean “without ceasing”. Keep the music off in the car, and pray as you drive. Post sticky notes around your house if necessary to remind you to pray, or to remind you of scripture verses so you can focus your mind on them and pray by reciting scripture. Pick up a book by Stormie Martin, who has written numerous books with practical prayers for you as a mom, woman, wife, etc. Start your day in prayer, before you get out bed (i.e., between the times you’re pushing the snooze button), and end your day in prayer. Spend time journaling your prayers (and then be sure to record the answers!). Before having a conversation with another, before picking up a ringing phone, and before walking in the door after a hard day’s work (or before your husband does), pray that your words would be a blessing, uplifting, truth spoken in love, or whatever the situation may call for. Train yourself to pray continually, and you will find yourself doing it even without prompting.
2. Probably the most common exhortation you receive from your pastor, from Christian writers, and from many other sources is to stay in the Word of God. The Reverend Billy Graham says that he leaves his Bible open somewhere in his home or office (or wherever he is traveling), so that he will come across it during the day. He then takes the opportunity to read a verse, or a chapter (or more) as he comes across the Bible. What a great idea! And, how many of us have more than one Bible, so we can leave them open in different areas of the house?! (Thanks to Jerry B. Jenkins for this tidbit about Rev. Billy Graham.)
The Bible is such a terrific “instruction book” for life. As it says, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path” (Psalm 119:105 NIV). So often I will come across scripture that ministers to my soul in a way that speaks directly to my current situation. I know that this is one of those ways that God “speaks to me”. And, the more I am in the Word, the more I learn and the more encouraged I become. So, while you’ve heard it before, it bears repeating: Study the scriptures!
“The law of the Lord is perfect, restoring the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple. The precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing in the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes.” (Psalm 19:7-8)
3. By serving and ministering to others, you keep your focus off yourself and on others. It truly is “more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). This doesn’t have to be elaborate…you can make a difference even by emailing a quick note to a hurting or concerned friend, penning a letter to let someone know you are thinking of them or praying for them, or sending a greeting card that contains a poignant verse. In return, I have been so uplifted by responses to emails I’ve sent (or comments I’ve made on blogs). Sometimes I wonder if the responses I receive have more impact on me than the original recipient of my writings. Serving and ministering can also be done very practically through volunteerism (whether at your church, local food pantry or at a homeless shelter). One thing I would caution here is to ensure you are serving within your gifts. For example, don’t sign up to help with the children’s ministry unless you love being around kids and are blessed with a good dose of patience. Also, charities have many different needs for which you can volunteer your time. If you don’t feel working directly with people is one of your gifts, find out if your local soup kitchen needs administrative / office work done, or if they could use your help with fundraising (if those are your gifts instead).
Bottom line is that it always helps me to put into perspective my situation when I read and/or respond to the struggles of others. As it says in Proverbs 16:3 (NKJV), “Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established.” Plus, what a joy it is to serve God in ways that he himself served (a kind word to someone hurting, feeding the hungry, etc.).
4. Finally, I encourage you to consciously remember your blessings. Do this is a very real way, such as writing them down in a praise journal or verbally thanking God for them during your prayer time. If you have trouble, read through the Psalms, and you will see the many different ways and times David praised the Lord, in spite of his troubles and persecution by Saul. By focusing on your blessings, the Lord has an opportunity to give you peace and joy that surpasses all understanding. “Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright in heart” (Psalm 97:11).
It seems fitting here to list just some of the blessings I have experienced in the midst of my turmoil recounted above.
- At the end of a tumultuous meeting, my son’s Case Manager referred him into a juvenile program that will eventually clear his name and record, assuming he completes it successfully. (And, you can imagine we will be praying hard for that.)
- In the midst of a lack of sleep, I have spent some quality (and quantity) time with my family. Also, the late-night meetings at work produced a well-received presentation that provided a source of pride and accomplishment for my team.
- My mother-in-law’s diagnosis gives us a very really opportunity to serve, both her and her daughter. It also seems to have drawn my husband much closer to his mom than he has been for many years.
- I am supported by those I report to in how I address the challenges with my team at work. I work directly for a terrific Christian woman who is compassionate and encouraging, and who can always be counted on to provide wise counsel.
- My husband’s and my relationship with our oldest son is stronger now than it has been at any time in the past year. Our homeschooling has brought us closer to him, and provides more one-on-one time with him than we have ever experienced before. Also, we now live life with eyes wide open to the challenges and dangers of his adolescence. We truly do feel everything that has happened is a blessing in disguise, as we are more aware of what our son is experiencing, how he is living his life, and who his friends are.
If you have actually read through this entire blog (what a marathon!), I would love to hear about the methods that work for you in keeping focused on God, especially when faced with pain, anguish or confusion. Thanks, and may God pour His richest blessings out on your life, regardless of the circumstances you find yourself in.
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