So, it seems I have become an annual blogger. Hmmm... I don't like that. I love to write. I love to read what others write. I enjoy musing. I enjoy praying by typing. So, why have I not been here when I miss it so much? Facebook is fun, but it cannot take Blogger's place. But it has. But, then again, somehow today I ended up back here and read my last post.
Good news! GOD ANSWERS PRAYER! Many of you know that. I know that. But I love when God proves it anyway. Dear son Cody is in remission from his drug addiction. My prodigal came home. He left again, but this time on his own to get his own apartment and stand on his own two feet. He's working, going to school, and has a simply lovely girlfriend. Gone are the days when he wouldn't dream of bringing home whomever he is "dating" because his Momma wouldn't approve! He was proud for me to meet her, and they've been together for a year now. My heart is at peace for my son.
Of course, God can only let me be for so long. He recognizes when I need more growth and perhaps more dependence on Him. There is more drama swirling around in other areas of life -- but for today and for blogger land, I am going to simply rejoice in seeing the difference of last year's post and today's. God is so good. Life is good, even in the midst of trials. Amen!
Friday, October 7, 2011
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
I Stand on the Hill
As I stand on my doorstep and look forlornly down the street, I think of the father who saw his son from yet a far off place and ran to greet him. How long he waited -- hoping, and undoubtedly praying, for his son's safe return. How long will I wait? Will my son ever come home -- literally to my arms, or figuratively to His Father's arms?
I could rewrite my last blog again, and it would still be relevant all these months later. Only my now 18-year-old son is no longer living in the house. He is rarely attending his last semester in school. His school counselor called and indicated he will not be able to graduate as he lost a needed class credit due to truancy. He admits to using drugs. He does not work -- though at times has money to spare (?!). He is less and less in contact with me, and rarely in contact with his dad. At times he reaches out to his younger brother, but since he is only able to see him if he comes to visit with us at home or out with us for a meal, that isn't happening anymore either.
I think again of that father in Luke 15. How did he cope? How did his wife cope? I don't remember her being mentioned in the story. Obviously life went on. The father lived and worked alongside his other son. But yet he waited and hoped and prayed.
There are times my heart is so broken that I don't know how to pray. I don't know what to say. I can only cry, "Lord, Lord." Or sob quietly. Or even wail. And then, I step off the doorstep and continue to live life...working, running errands, spending time with my husband and youngest son. But it's not quite right. And, even though it's incredibly busy (often too much so), it's not quite full.
Jesus tells about a shepherd who leaves his 99 sheep and goes to find 1 who went astray. He shares about a woman who lost 1 of her 10 coins and looks high and low until she finds it (then rejoices and tells everyone around her). And of course, there's the father and his prodigal son. I know these are all examples of God's amazing love for us and the rejoicing when what was once lost is then found. Jesus speaks of the rejoicing in heaven when His children turn to Him.
I want to rejoice as the woman with the coin. I want to throw a party as the father did for his returning son. I want to place my lamb in my arms and carry him back to the flock. What if that time does not come for me? What if I wait, hope and pray, and the Lord's answer is something else entirely? What if, as I look for His answer as only to be "my son coming home", that I miss the real answer He has for me?
Isaiah 42:16 says, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."
Though I often feel lost, hurt, and in despair, I know I am not foresaken. I have to admit, I forget that sometimes -- my emotions take over, and I wonder where God is. The path is indeed dark and unknown. I feel completely blind as to the future. I long for the smooth road. But I am called to trust. When I do, I remember all that God has done for me in the past. He has always shined a light on my path. At my weakest he has made me strong and given me a hope when I have been hopeless. I have no reason to trust He won't do so again. He is the same today, yesterday and forever.
"Lord, when I can't think of what to pray, may I just remember Your words, and pray them back to You. May I turn to the direction of the light rather than wallowing in the darkness. May I remember that YOU love my son as the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the prodigal son. These are illustations of YOUR love for my Cody. When nothing else gives me comfort, may that knowledge be enough."
I could rewrite my last blog again, and it would still be relevant all these months later. Only my now 18-year-old son is no longer living in the house. He is rarely attending his last semester in school. His school counselor called and indicated he will not be able to graduate as he lost a needed class credit due to truancy. He admits to using drugs. He does not work -- though at times has money to spare (?!). He is less and less in contact with me, and rarely in contact with his dad. At times he reaches out to his younger brother, but since he is only able to see him if he comes to visit with us at home or out with us for a meal, that isn't happening anymore either.
I think again of that father in Luke 15. How did he cope? How did his wife cope? I don't remember her being mentioned in the story. Obviously life went on. The father lived and worked alongside his other son. But yet he waited and hoped and prayed.
There are times my heart is so broken that I don't know how to pray. I don't know what to say. I can only cry, "Lord, Lord." Or sob quietly. Or even wail. And then, I step off the doorstep and continue to live life...working, running errands, spending time with my husband and youngest son. But it's not quite right. And, even though it's incredibly busy (often too much so), it's not quite full.
Jesus tells about a shepherd who leaves his 99 sheep and goes to find 1 who went astray. He shares about a woman who lost 1 of her 10 coins and looks high and low until she finds it (then rejoices and tells everyone around her). And of course, there's the father and his prodigal son. I know these are all examples of God's amazing love for us and the rejoicing when what was once lost is then found. Jesus speaks of the rejoicing in heaven when His children turn to Him.
I want to rejoice as the woman with the coin. I want to throw a party as the father did for his returning son. I want to place my lamb in my arms and carry him back to the flock. What if that time does not come for me? What if I wait, hope and pray, and the Lord's answer is something else entirely? What if, as I look for His answer as only to be "my son coming home", that I miss the real answer He has for me?
Isaiah 42:16 says, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them."
Though I often feel lost, hurt, and in despair, I know I am not foresaken. I have to admit, I forget that sometimes -- my emotions take over, and I wonder where God is. The path is indeed dark and unknown. I feel completely blind as to the future. I long for the smooth road. But I am called to trust. When I do, I remember all that God has done for me in the past. He has always shined a light on my path. At my weakest he has made me strong and given me a hope when I have been hopeless. I have no reason to trust He won't do so again. He is the same today, yesterday and forever.
"Lord, when I can't think of what to pray, may I just remember Your words, and pray them back to You. May I turn to the direction of the light rather than wallowing in the darkness. May I remember that YOU love my son as the lost sheep, the lost coin, and the prodigal son. These are illustations of YOUR love for my Cody. When nothing else gives me comfort, may that knowledge be enough."
Monday, September 7, 2009
I Am a Mother
The concept of “maternal instincts” has long been written about, debated and, at least from a mother’s point of view, naturally understood. Whether human or animal, almost every mother instinctively loves and protects her child. Starting at birth, a mother cat will not only nurture her kittens, but she will protect and literally draw them, with her paws, into her chest when she’s unsure of a situation or person. If a mother cat senses a threat, she will move her kittens to another location and sometimes even hide them in blankets, closets, or try to hide them outside.
I feel much like that mother cat. I want to wrap my 17-year-old in my arms, hold him close, and protect him from the world – even from himself. I am fighting the urge to whisk him away to a “safe place”, wherever that might be. He is an unhappy young man, angry at life (and thus often at his family as well), and seems to be intent on self destruction. His choices are steering him toward danger, loneliness, and potentially a devastating future. But, while maternal instincts can teach us how to love, how to be responsive and protective, it doesn't provide a blueprint for how to handle the challenges that come when raising a child…particularly a wayward one.
My beautiful boy is sleeping in his room right now, having been out all night and not answering me about where he was. In the middle of the night, I drove to find him but didn’t know where to look. I came home and listened for the door throughout the night and checked my phone about every half hour, waiting to hear from him. I felt all the rational and irrational fears one feels when someone they love is “missing”. I see my son slipping away, and I feel powerless.
I feel like the woman in front of the wise king in 1st Kings 3, fighting against another for the life of my child. What or whom I’m fighting against I don’t know, but I wish the king would give me my whole baby back.
I pray for my son from Proverbs 23…”Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path. Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags. Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding. The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice! My son, give Me your heart and let your eyes keep to My ways…”
I want to rejoice in my son; I want my husband to delight in him. But I can’t make that happen. My motherly heart grieves for this child. I ache all over…inside and out. I go from anger, to fear, to hopelessness, to pain. I do not understand what my son is going through. I do not understand my husband’s reaction to him. Sometimes I don’t understand my own responses. All I know is that right now I want to protect him. I want my whole baby back. My little blond-haired, green-eyed, full of life and energy boy. Oh, he’s not so little any more. He towers over me now. But he is still my Cody. He is still my son.
I know that when I can’t, God has this child in his arms. He will not forget him. "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” says the Lord. (Isaiah 49:15)
Oh my son, I will not forget you, but I place you in the arms of Jesus…He is the blanket, the closet, and the loving arms that will keep you close.
I feel much like that mother cat. I want to wrap my 17-year-old in my arms, hold him close, and protect him from the world – even from himself. I am fighting the urge to whisk him away to a “safe place”, wherever that might be. He is an unhappy young man, angry at life (and thus often at his family as well), and seems to be intent on self destruction. His choices are steering him toward danger, loneliness, and potentially a devastating future. But, while maternal instincts can teach us how to love, how to be responsive and protective, it doesn't provide a blueprint for how to handle the challenges that come when raising a child…particularly a wayward one.
My beautiful boy is sleeping in his room right now, having been out all night and not answering me about where he was. In the middle of the night, I drove to find him but didn’t know where to look. I came home and listened for the door throughout the night and checked my phone about every half hour, waiting to hear from him. I felt all the rational and irrational fears one feels when someone they love is “missing”. I see my son slipping away, and I feel powerless.
I feel like the woman in front of the wise king in 1st Kings 3, fighting against another for the life of my child. What or whom I’m fighting against I don’t know, but I wish the king would give me my whole baby back.
I pray for my son from Proverbs 23…”Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path. Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rags. Listen to your father, who gave you life, and do not despise your mother when she is old. Buy the truth and do not sell it; get wisdom, discipline and understanding. The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. May your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth rejoice! My son, give Me your heart and let your eyes keep to My ways…”
I want to rejoice in my son; I want my husband to delight in him. But I can’t make that happen. My motherly heart grieves for this child. I ache all over…inside and out. I go from anger, to fear, to hopelessness, to pain. I do not understand what my son is going through. I do not understand my husband’s reaction to him. Sometimes I don’t understand my own responses. All I know is that right now I want to protect him. I want my whole baby back. My little blond-haired, green-eyed, full of life and energy boy. Oh, he’s not so little any more. He towers over me now. But he is still my Cody. He is still my son.
I know that when I can’t, God has this child in his arms. He will not forget him. "Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you!” says the Lord. (Isaiah 49:15)
Oh my son, I will not forget you, but I place you in the arms of Jesus…He is the blanket, the closet, and the loving arms that will keep you close.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
ROLLER COASTER
My goodness...how life gets crazier and crazier! How many times can I write about peaks and valleys?? When do I get off this crazy roller coaster? Even if I have to go through that jerky ending of the ride when you get whiplash as the roller coaster starts and stops, I'd be happy to be nearing the end.
That sounds kind of morbid, doesn't it? I don't mean it that way. Yes, I'd love to be living in heaven, but I'm not looking to get there anytime soon, and that's not what I meant by getting off the roller coaster ride. Oh whatever...I'm going to leave this train of thought and get on with it.
Work is as stressful as ever. We had yet another layoff yesterday; this one involving almost 500 people companywide. It breaks my heart, and I just pray and pray for all those affected. And for all those (including me) who wonder if they're next. It is not a good time. And, my workload just keeps getting more and more overwhelming. And my dear husband is tired of hearing about it, and I'm tired of being resentful that he doesn't work. Well, actually, he does work...around the house, doing all of the shopping, and taking the youngest wherever he needs to go. (The 17-year-old now has a car, and boy does he use it.) Yes, my husband really does work A LOT.
My oldest son is not in a good place right now. He's starting to exhibit much more concerning behavior that is reminiscent of when I started my blog and the intense challenges we were having with him. Tonight he and I really got into it for something he had done. He accused me of never being here and that his dad is always yelling at him. As I explained that he alone is responsible for his choices, not us, inside I felt terribly, terribly guilty. I am in a job I'd love to leave, making an income I don't know how to replace somewhere else, traveling extensively, and working an insane amount of hours. He's pretty nearly right. While "never" certainly isn't accurate, "rarely" probably would be.
My husband saw an ad for the program Total Transformation (which is about transforming your relationship with your child...and seeing a total transformation in their out-of-control life), and I ordered it. While doing some research about it, I found a blogger who recommended it (http://holymama.org/), and you've got to check it out. She is so funny, so real, and is a self-proclaimed "sorta shallow Christian mom", though I don't really believe it about the shallow part. Anyway, you're sure to love her blog.
So, I am also looking into studying for a real estate license. Oh, I know it's a HORRIBLE time to get into real estate, but for some reason I just feel led to do it. I can't get it out of my mind. Perhaps this is a way to get ready for a life (and career) change.
And then, if I'm not busy enough, I signed up for Heritage Makers because I wanted to make some keepsake books for family members this Christmas. And since I can't do anything halfway, I decided I needed to be a consultant. Ha! But, hey, feel free to check it out...it really is an amazing way to tell your life / family stories and give a truly unforgettable and meaningful gift: http://www.heritagemakers.com/330883.
My current password at work is based on Psalm 9:9-10 -- "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You."
I am seeking Him. He is my refuge. I could not survive these times of trouble without Him. How I wonder how people make their way through their crazy roller coasters of life without Him. I think they end up dizzy, nauseous and completely disoriented. Thank goodness He is our compass, and also our stronghold. While I'm on this crazy ride, He's keeping me secure so I don't tumble out on one of the loops.
Thank You, Lord, for never foresaking me, even when my son is right. Thank You that You never leave me...may my son, my husband, my other son, and those reading this blog feel Your love around them and know You are there...ALWAYS.
That sounds kind of morbid, doesn't it? I don't mean it that way. Yes, I'd love to be living in heaven, but I'm not looking to get there anytime soon, and that's not what I meant by getting off the roller coaster ride. Oh whatever...I'm going to leave this train of thought and get on with it.
Work is as stressful as ever. We had yet another layoff yesterday; this one involving almost 500 people companywide. It breaks my heart, and I just pray and pray for all those affected. And for all those (including me) who wonder if they're next. It is not a good time. And, my workload just keeps getting more and more overwhelming. And my dear husband is tired of hearing about it, and I'm tired of being resentful that he doesn't work. Well, actually, he does work...around the house, doing all of the shopping, and taking the youngest wherever he needs to go. (The 17-year-old now has a car, and boy does he use it.) Yes, my husband really does work A LOT.
My oldest son is not in a good place right now. He's starting to exhibit much more concerning behavior that is reminiscent of when I started my blog and the intense challenges we were having with him. Tonight he and I really got into it for something he had done. He accused me of never being here and that his dad is always yelling at him. As I explained that he alone is responsible for his choices, not us, inside I felt terribly, terribly guilty. I am in a job I'd love to leave, making an income I don't know how to replace somewhere else, traveling extensively, and working an insane amount of hours. He's pretty nearly right. While "never" certainly isn't accurate, "rarely" probably would be.
My husband saw an ad for the program Total Transformation (which is about transforming your relationship with your child...and seeing a total transformation in their out-of-control life), and I ordered it. While doing some research about it, I found a blogger who recommended it (http://holymama.org/), and you've got to check it out. She is so funny, so real, and is a self-proclaimed "sorta shallow Christian mom", though I don't really believe it about the shallow part. Anyway, you're sure to love her blog.
So, I am also looking into studying for a real estate license. Oh, I know it's a HORRIBLE time to get into real estate, but for some reason I just feel led to do it. I can't get it out of my mind. Perhaps this is a way to get ready for a life (and career) change.
And then, if I'm not busy enough, I signed up for Heritage Makers because I wanted to make some keepsake books for family members this Christmas. And since I can't do anything halfway, I decided I needed to be a consultant. Ha! But, hey, feel free to check it out...it really is an amazing way to tell your life / family stories and give a truly unforgettable and meaningful gift: http://www.heritagemakers.com/330883.
My current password at work is based on Psalm 9:9-10 -- "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You."
I am seeking Him. He is my refuge. I could not survive these times of trouble without Him. How I wonder how people make their way through their crazy roller coasters of life without Him. I think they end up dizzy, nauseous and completely disoriented. Thank goodness He is our compass, and also our stronghold. While I'm on this crazy ride, He's keeping me secure so I don't tumble out on one of the loops.
Thank You, Lord, for never foresaking me, even when my son is right. Thank You that You never leave me...may my son, my husband, my other son, and those reading this blog feel Your love around them and know You are there...ALWAYS.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
HAPPINESS
My favorite realtor (we've moved a number of times, so yes, I have enough to have a favorite) sent out a postcard with this story. It came at the perfect time...
HAPPINESS
A 92-year old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably coifed, and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
“I love it,” he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.
“Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait.”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” he replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged…it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice – I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away just for this time in my life.”
At the end, my realtor wrote (or borrowed from someone else):
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
We have a great example of choosing happiness in Paul . Reading his accounts of where he finds joy, in the worst of circumstances (i.e., Acts 16:25), is simply inspiring.
I have found myself lamenting a number of situations in my life over the past month. God is so gracious...sending me pockets of joy even though I am not obedient in seeking them. Visiting a Christian friend in KC that I hadn't seen in months brought joy as we talked, prayed, and fellowshipped together. Receiving an email from a Christian co-worker (in a secular business) that said, "Remember, God is in control"...which was sent not knowing what I was facing and how much I needed to hear that. My 17-year-old son sending me a text message right after I landed at the airport after a business trip, asking "Are you in town yet?" and when I answered "Just landed," he responded with "Coolio!" He then hugged me when I got home, in front of a guy friend...and if you know his story (and the reason I started this blog to begin with), you know how amazing this is, and just how far we've come.
So, today I praise God. I sing to Him. I worship Him. I thank Him. In the midst of enormous financial trials. In spite of a marriage that seems to be fading. In spite of job that is overwhelming. He is merciful. He is awesome. He loves me. He comforts me. He suffered and paid the ultimate price for me. I choose to praise Him in all circumstances
I choose Love. I choose Life. I choose HIM!
Blessings, dear readers friends.
HAPPINESS
A 92-year old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o’clock, with his hair fashionably coifed, and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready. As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.
“I love it,” he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.
“Mr. Jones, you haven’t seen the room; just wait.”
“That doesn’t have anything to do with it,” he replied. “Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn’t depend on how the furniture is arranged…it’s how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It’s a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice – I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, as long as my eyes open, I’ll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I’ve stored away just for this time in my life.”
At the end, my realtor wrote (or borrowed from someone else):
Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you’ve put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories. Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
- Free your heart from hatred
- Free your mind from worries
- Live simple
- Give more
- Expect less
We have a great example of choosing happiness in Paul . Reading his accounts of where he finds joy, in the worst of circumstances (i.e., Acts 16:25), is simply inspiring.
I have found myself lamenting a number of situations in my life over the past month. God is so gracious...sending me pockets of joy even though I am not obedient in seeking them. Visiting a Christian friend in KC that I hadn't seen in months brought joy as we talked, prayed, and fellowshipped together. Receiving an email from a Christian co-worker (in a secular business) that said, "Remember, God is in control"...which was sent not knowing what I was facing and how much I needed to hear that. My 17-year-old son sending me a text message right after I landed at the airport after a business trip, asking "Are you in town yet?" and when I answered "Just landed," he responded with "Coolio!" He then hugged me when I got home, in front of a guy friend...and if you know his story (and the reason I started this blog to begin with), you know how amazing this is, and just how far we've come.
So, today I praise God. I sing to Him. I worship Him. I thank Him. In the midst of enormous financial trials. In spite of a marriage that seems to be fading. In spite of job that is overwhelming. He is merciful. He is awesome. He loves me. He comforts me. He suffered and paid the ultimate price for me. I choose to praise Him in all circumstances
"The Lord lives! Praise be to my Rock! Exalted be God my Savior!"
(Psalm 18:46)"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan..." (Psalm 42:5-6)
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?" (Psalm 56:3-4)
I choose Love. I choose Life. I choose HIM!
Blessings, dear readers friends.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Praise Report
Thank you dear friends who prayed for Cynthia. Her surgery on Wednesday was a success, and the post-op results from Friday indicate they got the cancer. She starts radiation next month -- once a week for six weeks. She's had good days and bad since the surgery in terms of pain. I continue to pray for her healing and pain management.
As I want to relish in God's answer to prayer, I won't write anymore. However, would you pray for my husband and son's relationship? And also for their choices -- how they respond to each other, how they treat each other, and that they will make decisions that show respect for themselves and for each other.
Praise be to God who is so faithful, loving, and who works all things together for good for those who love him. We know that not "all things are good", but God is able to replace ashes with beauty. He is so good...
As I want to relish in God's answer to prayer, I won't write anymore. However, would you pray for my husband and son's relationship? And also for their choices -- how they respond to each other, how they treat each other, and that they will make decisions that show respect for themselves and for each other.
Praise be to God who is so faithful, loving, and who works all things together for good for those who love him. We know that not "all things are good", but God is able to replace ashes with beauty. He is so good...
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Prayer Request
I have more to write, but for now just the facts:
- My friend and coworker, Cynthia, just found out this week that she has breast cancer. (She was called by her doctor while she was traveling on business with me and other coworkers.)
- Cynthia got on a plane and flew back to the doctor the next day. She will have a lumpectomy next Wednesday, followed by radiation (hopefully) or chemo, depending on what they find during surgery.
Please pray for Cynthia. She is a Christian, and she is at peace about this situation, but this comes at a very stressful time for her (for a whole host of other reasons). Please pray for God's hand to guide the doctor's hand during surgery. Pray for no complications, and that the cancer is fully contained. Pray that chemo won't be necessary. Pray for her health, her relationships, and her family (mom, sister, husband and kids in particular) -- for them to have peace, to be her pillars, to strengthen their faith through this situation, etc.
Thank you for your prayers!
Blessings,
Michelle
Sunday, August 24, 2008
You Give Me Hope!
Dear Blogging Friends,
Thank you for the reminder of Psalm 139. The Lord searches me and knows me. He hems me in. He lays His hands upon me. He reminds me that I can never flee from His presence. As the psalmist, David, said, "...even there [anywhere], Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold hold me fast."
Thank you for your words of encouragement. They lift me up and strengthen me. It is amazing how people whom you've never met in person care so much for you. Know that I love you and pray for you...and I thank God for you.
Thank you for directing me to your blogs. As I looked for the song, "Reachable" that I read about in someone else's blog, I visited Steven Curtis Chapman's website. I had heard of the tragic loss of his daughter, but had not heard or read his family's interviews. WOW...what incredible faith this family has. Their faith does not necessarily lessen their grief, but yet they maintain their hope and share that hope with others. If you want to be humbled and lifted up at the same time, visit his website and listen to his Good Morning America and Larry King Live interviews, and read the article in People magazine. This coming Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday he will be also be on Focus on the Family. (By the way, I can't find the song "Reachable"...does anyone know what CD it is on or where I can find it online?)
I had to change my password again. (Our company's network prompts us regularly to do so.) This month I chose my password to be based on Psalm 9:10 -- "Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You." Our God is so good. He is with us wherever we go. He is our "stronghold in times of trouble." Not only that, but His works are wonderful. Which means that I am wonderful. You are wonderful. My children are wonderful, as are yours. What we do may not always be wonderful, nor what is done to us, but we are all wonderful in His sight. He loves us through it all.
As I reflected on Psalm 139, I came across verse 14 -- "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." I have just started reading "Living Life on Purpose" by Lysa TerKeurst. I know God has so much more in store for me, and I need to take a step back from the busy-ness of my life to listen for His direction. And, then, be willing to follow, wherever He leads. Please pray that I will Hear Him and follow, no matter how difficult it may be.
My husband is also reading a book right now, called "Why Your Life Sucks". Now, if that isn't enough to cause doubt and fear in a relationship, I don't know what is! What I pray for is that as my life changes and takes new shape, and as I continue to seek and find joy in ALL circumstances, my husband will see that and want it for himself. God fills the void...not the empty words and promises in that book on how to not make your life suck. May he learn that and may we take this journey together. And ultimately, may my boys follow God's path for their lives as well.
I feel much weight on my shoulders as I know much is at stake. Thanks to God that He walks this way with me and shoulders the burden -- as I take on His yoke rather than try to carry it myself.
Blessings to you all,
Michelle
Thank you for the reminder of Psalm 139. The Lord searches me and knows me. He hems me in. He lays His hands upon me. He reminds me that I can never flee from His presence. As the psalmist, David, said, "...even there [anywhere], Your hand will guide me, Your right hand will hold hold me fast."
Thank you for your words of encouragement. They lift me up and strengthen me. It is amazing how people whom you've never met in person care so much for you. Know that I love you and pray for you...and I thank God for you.
Thank you for directing me to your blogs. As I looked for the song, "Reachable" that I read about in someone else's blog, I visited Steven Curtis Chapman's website. I had heard of the tragic loss of his daughter, but had not heard or read his family's interviews. WOW...what incredible faith this family has. Their faith does not necessarily lessen their grief, but yet they maintain their hope and share that hope with others. If you want to be humbled and lifted up at the same time, visit his website and listen to his Good Morning America and Larry King Live interviews, and read the article in People magazine. This coming Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday he will be also be on Focus on the Family. (By the way, I can't find the song "Reachable"...does anyone know what CD it is on or where I can find it online?)
I had to change my password again. (Our company's network prompts us regularly to do so.) This month I chose my password to be based on Psalm 9:10 -- "Those who know Your name will trust in You, for You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You." Our God is so good. He is with us wherever we go. He is our "stronghold in times of trouble." Not only that, but His works are wonderful. Which means that I am wonderful. You are wonderful. My children are wonderful, as are yours. What we do may not always be wonderful, nor what is done to us, but we are all wonderful in His sight. He loves us through it all.
As I reflected on Psalm 139, I came across verse 14 -- "I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well." I have just started reading "Living Life on Purpose" by Lysa TerKeurst. I know God has so much more in store for me, and I need to take a step back from the busy-ness of my life to listen for His direction. And, then, be willing to follow, wherever He leads. Please pray that I will Hear Him and follow, no matter how difficult it may be.
My husband is also reading a book right now, called "Why Your Life Sucks". Now, if that isn't enough to cause doubt and fear in a relationship, I don't know what is! What I pray for is that as my life changes and takes new shape, and as I continue to seek and find joy in ALL circumstances, my husband will see that and want it for himself. God fills the void...not the empty words and promises in that book on how to not make your life suck. May he learn that and may we take this journey together. And ultimately, may my boys follow God's path for their lives as well.
I feel much weight on my shoulders as I know much is at stake. Thanks to God that He walks this way with me and shoulders the burden -- as I take on His yoke rather than try to carry it myself.
Blessings to you all,
Michelle
Saturday, August 16, 2008
In the Desert
I am in the desert, both literally and figuratively. I mentioned in my last blog...so many months ago...that my passwords are always Bible verses. I am mired in Lamentations 3 right now, as I walk through and live in this desert. However, I chose Lamentations 3:22-23 as the basis for my password: "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness."
I am living in the suburbs of Las Vegas, and thankfully my family has FINALLY joined me. My oldest son came in May, and my husband and youngest son came in July. I've missed them so much, but work continues to keep me away from them even now a month later. (I travel A LOT!) Deep inside, I wonder if this move was a result of following my and my husband's will, rather than God's. I wonder if it was driven by greed, as I received a large raise to come here. At the time I made the decision, I certainly didn't think so, but now I'm not so sure. Particularly since I have less in my bank account now than ever before, and I am deep in debt (really deep) from the move, having a house in Colorado that hasn't sold, and basically just overspending. My husband and I are not on the same page about money at all. Nor about a myriad of other things.
What else? My youngest son has developed a really poor attitude. He is surly and disrespectful. My oldest is entering public school as a Junior in high school. (And I am scared. He has been in Christian schools since Kindergarten, other than being homeschooled the last year and a half.) We just had a layoff at work that involved 244 people, and I was one of those who had to make some of the decisions whom to lay off. My heart aches for those who lost their job. Have I mentioned I travel a lot? I will be on the road part of every week between now and the end of September. I am so tired. And I feel so far away from my family, and my God.
Oh Lord, keep me focused on Your Word. May I breeze through the beginnings of Lamentations and get to the part about hope, Your love and compassion, and Your mercies (3:22-23). And then, bring me to the later verses...where I call on Your name, oh Lord, from the depths of the pit. Hear my plea: "Do not close your ears to my cry for relief." Lord, come near when I call you, and tell me not to fear. Oh Lord, you take up my case; you redeem my life. (3:55-58)
I wonder, do the peaks and valleys ever become more even? How is it I go through them so often? I am in the valley right now, much like my physical location in the Las Vegas valley. It's dirty and stifling. I had to take a one day trip to the "peaks" -- the mountains of Colorado -- earlier this week, and I cried at the beauty. Lord, bring beauty to my life in this valley...
I look forward to the morning...and Your mercies. Great is Your faithfulness!!!
If You Want Me To...by Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to
CHORUS: Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
I am living in the suburbs of Las Vegas, and thankfully my family has FINALLY joined me. My oldest son came in May, and my husband and youngest son came in July. I've missed them so much, but work continues to keep me away from them even now a month later. (I travel A LOT!) Deep inside, I wonder if this move was a result of following my and my husband's will, rather than God's. I wonder if it was driven by greed, as I received a large raise to come here. At the time I made the decision, I certainly didn't think so, but now I'm not so sure. Particularly since I have less in my bank account now than ever before, and I am deep in debt (really deep) from the move, having a house in Colorado that hasn't sold, and basically just overspending. My husband and I are not on the same page about money at all. Nor about a myriad of other things.
What else? My youngest son has developed a really poor attitude. He is surly and disrespectful. My oldest is entering public school as a Junior in high school. (And I am scared. He has been in Christian schools since Kindergarten, other than being homeschooled the last year and a half.) We just had a layoff at work that involved 244 people, and I was one of those who had to make some of the decisions whom to lay off. My heart aches for those who lost their job. Have I mentioned I travel a lot? I will be on the road part of every week between now and the end of September. I am so tired. And I feel so far away from my family, and my God.
Oh Lord, keep me focused on Your Word. May I breeze through the beginnings of Lamentations and get to the part about hope, Your love and compassion, and Your mercies (3:22-23). And then, bring me to the later verses...where I call on Your name, oh Lord, from the depths of the pit. Hear my plea: "Do not close your ears to my cry for relief." Lord, come near when I call you, and tell me not to fear. Oh Lord, you take up my case; you redeem my life. (3:55-58)
I wonder, do the peaks and valleys ever become more even? How is it I go through them so often? I am in the valley right now, much like my physical location in the Las Vegas valley. It's dirty and stifling. I had to take a one day trip to the "peaks" -- the mountains of Colorado -- earlier this week, and I cried at the beauty. Lord, bring beauty to my life in this valley...
I look forward to the morning...and Your mercies. Great is Your faithfulness!!!
If You Want Me To...by Ginny Owens
The pathway is broken
And the signs are unclear
And I dont know the reason why you brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I will go through the valley
If You want me to
CHORUS: Now I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I will go through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my own
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'll never go alone
So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
ALWAYS WITH ME
My passwords at work are always based on Bible verses. (It’s great when I have to give my password to one of our IT technicians. Sometimes I hear, “That’s a great verse”. Others ask what the verse is. And, sometimes, I receive a blank stare. In any case, it’s often a terrific witnessing tool…)
Currently, my password is based on Joshua 1:9 – “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” I chose this verse due to the new job I have accepted (within the same company) and my pending move to Las Vegas, NV. Many of you know I currently live in the Denver metropolitan area of beautiful Colorado. This is where the “discouraged” part comes in. I mean, really…who would leave Colorado for Nevada?? (Other than me, obviously.) The “afraid” part correlates to moving my teenage boys back to Las Vegas. For those of you who haven’t been there, the billboards and taxi toppers are enough to keep you in your house, or at least with blindfolds in your car for your kids. Luckily we don’t plan to live anywhere near downtown. “Be strong” is apropos for my current situation in which I am working two jobs during the transition, and traveling weekly back and forth between locations. I am REALLY tired, as both of these jobs are more than full time as it is. Sleep is limited to four (five on a really good night) hours each night. I need “courage” that this is the right move for my family. God has opened the doors (they were closed for some time on this job) and also given some confirmation since the decision was made that this is what we should be doing. Also, I’m stepping into a position held by my mentor, and someone who was incredibly successful, so courage is needed that I really can do this job! Add to all that I am heartbroken at leaving my church. Every single week I would swear that the pastor has peered into my life and decided to teach a message specifically for me. There are incredibly special people there as well. Any time I move I am afraid I will “never” find another church as wonderful as the last.
The good news is that God outdoes Himself EVERY time. Each church I have come to call home in each town I’ve lived draws me closer to God. I always end up changed in incredible ways through the church and/or the church family. So, that is where “For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” must come in. That portion of the verse gives me great hope. No matter where I go…whether it be Los Angeles, Kansas City, Denver, or Las Vegas, God goes also. Not only that, he prepares a way for me and my family. I can’t wait to see our new church, meet our new friends, and embrace the changes He has in store for our lives. Ultimately, I truly believe He will call me out of the work I’m in and pave the way for something more. Not more money or prestige, but more about Him. In the meantime, I will take this as part of the journey, and continue to praise Him, share His Good News, and live for Him as I go.
Currently, my password is based on Joshua 1:9 – “This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” I chose this verse due to the new job I have accepted (within the same company) and my pending move to Las Vegas, NV. Many of you know I currently live in the Denver metropolitan area of beautiful Colorado. This is where the “discouraged” part comes in. I mean, really…who would leave Colorado for Nevada?? (Other than me, obviously.) The “afraid” part correlates to moving my teenage boys back to Las Vegas. For those of you who haven’t been there, the billboards and taxi toppers are enough to keep you in your house, or at least with blindfolds in your car for your kids. Luckily we don’t plan to live anywhere near downtown. “Be strong” is apropos for my current situation in which I am working two jobs during the transition, and traveling weekly back and forth between locations. I am REALLY tired, as both of these jobs are more than full time as it is. Sleep is limited to four (five on a really good night) hours each night. I need “courage” that this is the right move for my family. God has opened the doors (they were closed for some time on this job) and also given some confirmation since the decision was made that this is what we should be doing. Also, I’m stepping into a position held by my mentor, and someone who was incredibly successful, so courage is needed that I really can do this job! Add to all that I am heartbroken at leaving my church. Every single week I would swear that the pastor has peered into my life and decided to teach a message specifically for me. There are incredibly special people there as well. Any time I move I am afraid I will “never” find another church as wonderful as the last.
The good news is that God outdoes Himself EVERY time. Each church I have come to call home in each town I’ve lived draws me closer to God. I always end up changed in incredible ways through the church and/or the church family. So, that is where “For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go” must come in. That portion of the verse gives me great hope. No matter where I go…whether it be Los Angeles, Kansas City, Denver, or Las Vegas, God goes also. Not only that, he prepares a way for me and my family. I can’t wait to see our new church, meet our new friends, and embrace the changes He has in store for our lives. Ultimately, I truly believe He will call me out of the work I’m in and pave the way for something more. Not more money or prestige, but more about Him. In the meantime, I will take this as part of the journey, and continue to praise Him, share His Good News, and live for Him as I go.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
The Best Year of My Life
About a month ago I went to a speaking engagement for a well-known Christian speaker / preacher. I had heard a little about him before, and my main reason for going was that one of my friends who had recently started going to church with me seemed to think a lot of him. She had seen him on TV, and her family had also told her about him.
His message was a positive one…filled with hope and joy. But, there was something that bothered me about it. As I listened to the praise music, and then listened to his wife, and finally to him, I found myself wondering if he had ever faced true adversity. If he has, he didn’t mention it. And, praise God, I hope that’s true. But what that led to was my questioning if his message was “real”. Did it have substance? Could this really be the “best year of my life” as he indicated it could?
Candidly, no…this isn’t the best year of my life. And for some of you reading this blog, this wasn’t the best year of your life either. I can think of other years when my kids were really young and I saw the world with wonder and awe through their eyes. The year I was baptized (which was a number of years after realizing Christ as my Savior) was one in which I was on fire for God and incredibly close to Him. The year Kriss and I got back together after being separated a year and a half was a really good year…even before we reconciled, because we had become friends.
Every year that I can remember had its blessings and its heartaches. But, some were definitely “better” than others as a whole. God was in the midst of every year, and my faith does become stronger every year – so in that way, each year is better than the last. But, when it comes to the “best year of my life”…well, this year just doesn’t quite measure up.
Today’s message at church really summed it up – it comes from John 16:33, “In this world, you will have trouble”. But, in spite of that, “Take heart! I (Jesus) have overcome the world." Things will happen to us that we can’t control, but certainly we can control our response to them. As Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
I recognize that is easier said (or read) than done. In the midst of turmoil and pain, it is incredibly difficult to not be anxious and to continue to have a heart of thanksgiving. So this is an area in which I agree with that positive preacher – if we focus on the negative, that means we have taken our eyes off of God and His perspective, which will only move us away from His perfect will and His plan for our lives. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from Me, or seen in Me — put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9) We cannot “name it and claim it”. The “Law of Attraction” has some Biblical truth as shown in this Philippians passage, but many take it too far in believing that if they just think hard enough, focus enough, or even pray enough, they can cause something they want to happen in their lives. Reading the book of Job will show you that just isn’t the case. We are not ultimately in control. But Job does provide us a model for praising God in all circumstances, and that He will work all things together for good for those who love Him. Job 42:12 says “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first.” I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me and my family, as I continue to trust Him and place my hope in Him, in spite of this year not being the “best”. I guess in terms of having something to hope for, it is the best after all…
His message was a positive one…filled with hope and joy. But, there was something that bothered me about it. As I listened to the praise music, and then listened to his wife, and finally to him, I found myself wondering if he had ever faced true adversity. If he has, he didn’t mention it. And, praise God, I hope that’s true. But what that led to was my questioning if his message was “real”. Did it have substance? Could this really be the “best year of my life” as he indicated it could?
Candidly, no…this isn’t the best year of my life. And for some of you reading this blog, this wasn’t the best year of your life either. I can think of other years when my kids were really young and I saw the world with wonder and awe through their eyes. The year I was baptized (which was a number of years after realizing Christ as my Savior) was one in which I was on fire for God and incredibly close to Him. The year Kriss and I got back together after being separated a year and a half was a really good year…even before we reconciled, because we had become friends.
Every year that I can remember had its blessings and its heartaches. But, some were definitely “better” than others as a whole. God was in the midst of every year, and my faith does become stronger every year – so in that way, each year is better than the last. But, when it comes to the “best year of my life”…well, this year just doesn’t quite measure up.
Today’s message at church really summed it up – it comes from John 16:33, “In this world, you will have trouble”. But, in spite of that, “Take heart! I (Jesus) have overcome the world." Things will happen to us that we can’t control, but certainly we can control our response to them. As Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
I recognize that is easier said (or read) than done. In the midst of turmoil and pain, it is incredibly difficult to not be anxious and to continue to have a heart of thanksgiving. So this is an area in which I agree with that positive preacher – if we focus on the negative, that means we have taken our eyes off of God and His perspective, which will only move us away from His perfect will and His plan for our lives. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from Me, or seen in Me — put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:8-9) We cannot “name it and claim it”. The “Law of Attraction” has some Biblical truth as shown in this Philippians passage, but many take it too far in believing that if they just think hard enough, focus enough, or even pray enough, they can cause something they want to happen in their lives. Reading the book of Job will show you that just isn’t the case. We are not ultimately in control. But Job does provide us a model for praising God in all circumstances, and that He will work all things together for good for those who love Him. Job 42:12 says “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job's life more than the first.” I can’t wait to see what God has in store for me and my family, as I continue to trust Him and place my hope in Him, in spite of this year not being the “best”. I guess in terms of having something to hope for, it is the best after all…
Saturday, December 22, 2007
The Shriver's Christmas Letter
December 2007
Merry Christmas to our Family & Friends!
C. S. Lewis once said, “The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.” Time is such a great equalizer, isn’t it? You can’t buy more time or spend more time than anyone else. So, here we are at the end of another year, reflecting on how we spent our time this past year, and anticipating what we will do with it next year. Hmmm…this doesn’t sound much like a Christmas letter does it? But, we do pray that you have come to this time of year thankful for the past and hopeful for the future. And, that’s what our Christmas letter is about this year.
The Shriver family is thankful for:
- We’ve had some ups and downs this year, but the end result is a family who spends more time together, parents who are much more in tune with our kids, and a renewed appreciation and admiration for how we can handle adversity.
- God blessed us financially this year, and we were able to buy a rental property that had 40+ inquiries on it within the first month. Our renters seem to be good people (and they signed a two-year lease)!
- Cody received his driver’s permit this year – and since Michelle hates to drive, she now has a built-in chauffer.
- Kriss had the opportunity to be an assistant coach for Justin’s baseball team, and they went to the State Tournament in Keystone, Colorado (and played some really good games there).
Michelle took ski lessons for the first time…and though she’s not very good at it, she did have fun. And, there were no broken bones this year from the boys’ snowboarding! - Kriss’ sister Erika, her three boys, and his mom are all coming up right after Christmas. The boys haven’t been to our home in Colorado before, and we are looking forward to a fun (and chaotic) time.
- Michelle’s parents adopted their three great-grandchildren – Alora, Devin & Dillon. While it isn’t always (or even often) easy, we are thankful these three beautiful kids have a home together and with family.
The Shriver family is hopeful for:
- Michelle has been offered a new position at Ameristar’s corporate office in Las Vegas. While we are incredibly sad to leave Colorado, we are thankful for this new opportunity for Michelle and that we’ll be within driving distance of much of our extended family. (We’ll be moving around June 2008.)
- Kriss had to take a break from college this year, but he is looking forward to taking more Graphic Design classes in Nevada next year. He already produced his first printed piece, which was a direct mailer for a local company – and it turned out GREAT!
- 16-year-old Cody will be a Junior in High School next year...can you believe it?? We’re going to have to start looking for colleges soon (and a great baseball program in Las Vegas to continue to enhance his skills so he can get a scholarship! He did show up in a local newspaper this year for his pitching skills.)
- Justin is now a teenager (age 13) and we look forward to seeing how this kid uses the gifts God has given him – whether it be academics, sports, music, humor or even cooking – what a diverse and talented kid!
Most of all, we hope and pray for a blessed 2008 for you and those you love, and we are thankful for you in our lives. “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11).
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Do Not Worry...
So, I had a blog post written and ready to go last week, and something (Someone?) told me to hold off on it. As I thought about it, I realized it was pretty “whiney”. I was having a little pity party for myself, which would have been pretty ironic to post right after my “Thankful” blog.
Why is it our mood so often swings back and forth? In one moment I can be filled with awe at God’s hand in my life, and then just days (sometimes hours) later feel despondent about relatively small problems. How can we have such seeming clarity to help others with their issues (or worse, become judgmental about what others can/should do about their problems), but answers to our own seem to allude us or appear insurmountable?
My mom is a worrier. It seems to be in her DNA to worry about all manner of things. Whether it be things she has control over or not, she worries about them. Whether they even impact her or not, she worries about them. I pray for my mom often. I pray for her health (as I believe the worry is wearing not only on her soul but on her body). I pray for her spirit (as her worry clouds her view of her world and she primarily sees what is wrong rather than what is right). How I pray that the mother of my youth would return – the woman who had people wait in line at the bank she worked at, just so they could go to her window. The mom who attended all of my gymnastic meets and enthusiastically clapped and cheered for me, and told those around her, “that’s my daughter.” (By the way, I wasn’t that great.) The aunt who joyfully sent birthday cards, holiday cards, congratulations cards, and all-occasion cards to her nieces and nephews for every occasion in their life…she always remembered, and even more, she cared so much for others’ happiness. Even back then, she worried about so many things, but it didn’t consume her thoughts and she seemed to enjoy life in spite of that. But today, I see her bitterness and resentfulness growing, which I believe is primarily a result of her worried spirit. When you are so focused on the negative, it’s hard to see through the darkness to the light. Oh how I pray for my beloved mom to find that light. And, candidly, I pray that I never allow that light to become dim in my own life. (I sometimes fear that I have that “worry DNA” from my mom…as it’s so easy for me to slip into the pity party and a sense of foreboding, as I mentioned above.)
Psalm 27:1 says, “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” 2 Samuel 22:29 says, “You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light.” The Book of Isaiah is filled with references to the Lord being our Light, and that He will light our way. Psalm 119:105 says, “Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”
But, it goes further than that. We are called by God to be His light. In Acts 13:47, Paul instructs, “For this is what the Lord has commanded us: 'I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.'" Ephesians 5:8 says, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.” Why? 5:9 says that “for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth.”
God’s Word and direction is always meant for our benefit. His commandments are not meant to restrict us but to set us free. Just as He told His people exiled in Babylon, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11) He went on to say, “’You will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’” (29:12-13)
Lord, I call upon you. I pray You will lead my mom back to the Light. I pray that you will remove from both her and I the spirit of worry, and may we focus on Your Word and follow Your commandment to “not worry” as You instruct us in Matthew 6. Lord, I seek Your will. I desire to follow the path You have set before me. May I always walk in the light of that path, rather than stumbling through the darkness to find my own way. Lord, You know the many decisions I have coming up. May I choose wisely based on Your guidance and leading in my heart. Lord, most of all, may I live out your commandments to be a light to others. Give me opportunities to do just that. May I use the gifts You have given me to serve others. Wherever my path (Your path) takes me, may I always take the time on that journey to be Your hands and feet along the way. I praise You Lord for the blessings you have so graciously given me. I praise You for the opportunities You have placed before me. All that I have, and all that is yet to come are Yours…may I always remember that and may the decisions in my life reflect that Thank you, Jesus, for Your perfect plans for me. Thank you, Jesus, for your love and care of my blogging friends, and I pray that You will light their path so brightly that their way is clear. I pray blessings on their lives, clarity for their decisions, and a spirit of joy and not worry each day.
Why is it our mood so often swings back and forth? In one moment I can be filled with awe at God’s hand in my life, and then just days (sometimes hours) later feel despondent about relatively small problems. How can we have such seeming clarity to help others with their issues (or worse, become judgmental about what others can/should do about their problems), but answers to our own seem to allude us or appear insurmountable?
My mom is a worrier. It seems to be in her DNA to worry about all manner of things. Whether it be things she has control over or not, she worries about them. Whether they even impact her or not, she worries about them. I pray for my mom often. I pray for her health (as I believe the worry is wearing not only on her soul but on her body). I pray for her spirit (as her worry clouds her view of her world and she primarily sees what is wrong rather than what is right). How I pray that the mother of my youth would return – the woman who had people wait in line at the bank she worked at, just so they could go to her window. The mom who attended all of my gymnastic meets and enthusiastically clapped and cheered for me, and told those around her, “that’s my daughter.” (By the way, I wasn’t that great.) The aunt who joyfully sent birthday cards, holiday cards, congratulations cards, and all-occasion cards to her nieces and nephews for every occasion in their life…she always remembered, and even more, she cared so much for others’ happiness. Even back then, she worried about so many things, but it didn’t consume her thoughts and she seemed to enjoy life in spite of that. But today, I see her bitterness and resentfulness growing, which I believe is primarily a result of her worried spirit. When you are so focused on the negative, it’s hard to see through the darkness to the light. Oh how I pray for my beloved mom to find that light. And, candidly, I pray that I never allow that light to become dim in my own life. (I sometimes fear that I have that “worry DNA” from my mom…as it’s so easy for me to slip into the pity party and a sense of foreboding, as I mentioned above.)
Psalm 27:1 says, “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” 2 Samuel 22:29 says, “You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light.” The Book of Isaiah is filled with references to the Lord being our Light, and that He will light our way. Psalm 119:105 says, “Your Word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path.”
But, it goes further than that. We are called by God to be His light. In Acts 13:47, Paul instructs, “For this is what the Lord has commanded us: 'I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.'" Ephesians 5:8 says, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.” Why? 5:9 says that “for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth.”
God’s Word and direction is always meant for our benefit. His commandments are not meant to restrict us but to set us free. Just as He told His people exiled in Babylon, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” (Jeremiah 29:11) He went on to say, “’You will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’” (29:12-13)
Lord, I call upon you. I pray You will lead my mom back to the Light. I pray that you will remove from both her and I the spirit of worry, and may we focus on Your Word and follow Your commandment to “not worry” as You instruct us in Matthew 6. Lord, I seek Your will. I desire to follow the path You have set before me. May I always walk in the light of that path, rather than stumbling through the darkness to find my own way. Lord, You know the many decisions I have coming up. May I choose wisely based on Your guidance and leading in my heart. Lord, most of all, may I live out your commandments to be a light to others. Give me opportunities to do just that. May I use the gifts You have given me to serve others. Wherever my path (Your path) takes me, may I always take the time on that journey to be Your hands and feet along the way. I praise You Lord for the blessings you have so graciously given me. I praise You for the opportunities You have placed before me. All that I have, and all that is yet to come are Yours…may I always remember that and may the decisions in my life reflect that Thank you, Jesus, for Your perfect plans for me. Thank you, Jesus, for your love and care of my blogging friends, and I pray that You will light their path so brightly that their way is clear. I pray blessings on their lives, clarity for their decisions, and a spirit of joy and not worry each day.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Thankful
I am most thankful that God is the same yesterday, today and forever. He is FOREVER faithful. He has taken situations filled with turmoil and confusion and turned them into blessings and hope. Some of the blessings were “in disguise”, but revealed themselves as blessings nonetheless.
In this season of Thanksgiving, I encourage you to take time to reflect on the blessings in your life. Even in the midst of pain, God is working in your life. Seek Him and look for His masterful hands working it all for good. If it’s not visible, trust Him. He loves you enough to die for you…
In addition to God’s saving grace, I am thankful this year that:
- My husband is a good man; one I adore and respect. In spite of our challenges, our “ups and downs”, and our often completely different points of view, I consider myself a blessed woman to have him. I thank God for him.
- My “wayward” son is home and safe…and my relationship with him is better than it has been for a long, long time. I do believe he knows how much I love him, and I pray that ultimately leads him to embracing the Lord’s love for him. He is beautiful, he has a good heart -- albeit easily distracted from goodness, and I believe in my heart he will do great things someday.
- My youngest son is smart, funny, has a strong sense of right and wrong, and oh how I know he loves his parents. I pray he knows how much he is loved in return. What a wonderful boy…a bit temperamental (as I suppose all teenagers are), but such a joy. He makes me laugh daily.
- My sister-in-law, her three boys, and my mother-in-law are all coming to visit for Christmas. We are so looking forward to having them here. We know that there will chaotic moments, but we are so blessed to have such a loving (and fun-loving) extended family.
- I have parents who love me and who are interested in my life and that of my family, in spite of having their hands full with a “new” family of their three adopted great-grandchildren. My parents are the model of selflessness and living for others.
- The Lord has blessed us financially, giving us the ability to respond to many unexpected expenses this year. I am in awe of His generosity, and I am also thankful that I know from Whom all blessings flow…
- I work for and with other Christians, in a business where one might not expect to find many (if any) Christians. My immediate boss is a Christian, at least three of my counterparts are Christians, two of my direct reports are Christians, and one of my direct reports has just started to come to church with me. I am surrounded by people who I care about, who care about me and who care about others.
- When I feel alone, afraid or disappointed, the Lord so often sends just the right song on the radio, a perfectly timed blog entry from a blogging friend, an email of encouragement, or even His tiny whisper through His Word or through an inward thought. He is ever present, and even when I don’t see Him or don’t sense Him for a moment, He is there. He is my friend, closer than a brother.
I primarily read the NIV of the Bible, but from time to time, I look at other translations to see if I can gain a different perspective. Psalm 34:1-8 is perfect praise, particularly at Thanksgiving, and I thought The Message version was especially relevant and beautiful for all circumstances this time of year…
“I bless God every chance I get; my lungs expand with his praise. I live and breathe God; if things aren't going well, hear this and be happy: Join me in spreading the news; together let's get the word out. God met me more than halfway, He freed me from my anxious fears. Look at Him; give Him your warmest smile. Never hide your feelings from Him. When I was desperate, I called out, and God got me out of a tight spot. God's angel sets up a circle of protection around us while we pray. Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see – how good God is. Blessed are you who run to Him.”
Blessings dear friends. May you have a season filled with all manner of things to be thankful for.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Priorities
I’m currently listening to an audio book titled, When the Game is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box by John Ortberg. It’s a terrific reminder that at the end of the game of life, we don’t take our “stuff” with us. We leave it all behind… And, John asks, what do you want to leave behind? What will be your legacy? Will it be the accumulation of “stuff” or will it be an impact you made in others’ lives?
One of his quotes is, “Many people aren't living their priorities, they are trying to do guilt management...” I often find that to be the case for me. I have spent a lot of time defining my passions, my gifts and my priorities, but I have not yet completely overhauled my calendar to reflect those things. Instead, I handle the crises as they come... If I’m behind at work, I take time at home to try to get caught up. (By the way, getting caught up NEVER happens.) Then, when my family feels neglected, I put the work aside, but then the family is so used to functioning without me that we all end up in separate rooms doing separate things (surfing the internet, playing Xbox, reading, watching TV…). In the midst of that my mom calls from over 1,000 miles away and says, “I haven’t heard from you forever!” (I remind her it’s only been about a week, to which she responds that is too long.) Around 11p I remember that I was supposed to call the children’s ministry director at church to discuss volunteer opportunities, but it’s certainly too late at night for that…it goes on tomorrow’s “To Do” list (where it’s been for about a month). Oh yeah, all of the managers at work are reading First Break All the Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently, so before I drift off to sleep I pick up the book and end up reading the same page about three times because I keep nodding off. By the end of the day, I haven’t prayed as deliberately as I’d like, it’s hit or miss if I completed my devotions, and I sure haven’t had time to work on my “life plan” based on the previously mentioned passions, gifts and priorities. All this leads me to question what my priorities really are.
In the book, John tells a story of an executive who kept saying he would have more time for his family and himself, “once things settle down”. Guess what, folks…things never settle down. This executive kept climbing the proverbial ladder…up, up, up…until he fell off and died. Time ran out before he had the chance to “have more time”. There is no more time…we all have 24 hours in a day, and we all have a finite amount of time to live. How will you chose to spend that time? How will I??
The life story of Jesus is not about someone climbing up the ladder, but it is instead the Son of God descending the ladder to become a servant of mankind. The King of the universe deserved an earthly throne, but instead took on the cross. It was His outpouring of love that moved him to live and die for us. What will we live and die for?
One of his quotes is, “Many people aren't living their priorities, they are trying to do guilt management...” I often find that to be the case for me. I have spent a lot of time defining my passions, my gifts and my priorities, but I have not yet completely overhauled my calendar to reflect those things. Instead, I handle the crises as they come... If I’m behind at work, I take time at home to try to get caught up. (By the way, getting caught up NEVER happens.) Then, when my family feels neglected, I put the work aside, but then the family is so used to functioning without me that we all end up in separate rooms doing separate things (surfing the internet, playing Xbox, reading, watching TV…). In the midst of that my mom calls from over 1,000 miles away and says, “I haven’t heard from you forever!” (I remind her it’s only been about a week, to which she responds that is too long.) Around 11p I remember that I was supposed to call the children’s ministry director at church to discuss volunteer opportunities, but it’s certainly too late at night for that…it goes on tomorrow’s “To Do” list (where it’s been for about a month). Oh yeah, all of the managers at work are reading First Break All the Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently, so before I drift off to sleep I pick up the book and end up reading the same page about three times because I keep nodding off. By the end of the day, I haven’t prayed as deliberately as I’d like, it’s hit or miss if I completed my devotions, and I sure haven’t had time to work on my “life plan” based on the previously mentioned passions, gifts and priorities. All this leads me to question what my priorities really are.
In the book, John tells a story of an executive who kept saying he would have more time for his family and himself, “once things settle down”. Guess what, folks…things never settle down. This executive kept climbing the proverbial ladder…up, up, up…until he fell off and died. Time ran out before he had the chance to “have more time”. There is no more time…we all have 24 hours in a day, and we all have a finite amount of time to live. How will you chose to spend that time? How will I??
The life story of Jesus is not about someone climbing up the ladder, but it is instead the Son of God descending the ladder to become a servant of mankind. The King of the universe deserved an earthly throne, but instead took on the cross. It was His outpouring of love that moved him to live and die for us. What will we live and die for?
"Lord, I desire to live for You. I pray for Your priorities to be my priorities. Help me to live my life based on Your calling, and may my daily calendar and actions reflect that. Forgive me Lord for climbing a ladder that has led me away from my family and even away from You. Help me to descend that ladder and create a clear path for me to follow. Lord, I know that you call us to step out in faith. It is not enough to ask You to show me the way, I have to take it. The priests carrying the ark had to step in the river before you stopped it from flowing. Moses had to stretch his hand out over the sea, and the Israelites had trust You to walk through enormous walls of water on either side of them to reach safety. Give me the strength to trust You fully, and may my mustard-seed size faith move any mountains that block my path. Thank you, Jesus, for descending the ladder and modeling for us on this earth how to really “live life”."
Saturday, October 20, 2007
But Wait, There's More!
God is the same yesterday, today and forever. But don’t misunderstand this truth…He is not stagnant. In fact, He manifests Himself in infinite ways every day, many of which we miss as we traverse through life. But today is not one of those days…God’s manifestation of His goodness, His grace, His peace, and His control was made incredibly real to me today. Allow me to explain…
I participatd in an unexpected conference call at work tonight. During this call, it became very clear that the future of my career with this company is uncertain. The timing of this is incredibly poignant, as for those of you who read my blog know I am struggling with my career, and I have been pondering how I might take a different path in my life. I have been in prayer for the Lord to open and close doors as He desires and based on His will for my life. This may very well be a closing door. And instead of the anxiety and fear this would normally cause (considering I am the only income-earner in my family), I am at total peace. Even though the news was completely unexpected and even stunning, peace has permeated my thoughts and soul.
It gets better…my boss called me later (after I was home) to discuss the situation. She said, “you are much calmer than I expected.” I explained how God had blessed me with His peace. She is also a Christian, and had the same perspective, but she is in a very different place financially than I am, and she fully expected to need to help me come to terms with this. Instead, we discussed how God is in control. We talked about all of the other Christians in this company, most of whom have sacrificed so much for their demanding jobs, and some who have talked of pursuing other opportunities (such as starting or entering ministries). We rejoiced in our faith and our ability to be at peace in such uncertain times.
But there’s even more. After all of this, I read an email from a dear high school friend tonight who had read my blog and clicked on the link to the Turning Point devotional (from my post titled, “No Fear of Bad News”, below). Instead of taking her to the October 16 webpage, it took her to the current day’s devotional (which was at the time, October 19). And guess what the verse was? Joshua 1:16, “All that You command us we will do, and wherever You send us we will go.” She explained how that verse ministered to her at just the right moment…and little did she know how much I needed to read that verse as well! God is so good…He takes what we do and returns it to us in multiples!
Nothing may come of the news that was relayed to me at work tonight, and even if that’s the case, this situation has given me a much-needed attitude adjustment – the reminder that God is in control, a confirmation of what I believe I should be pursuing in my life (my vision/mission), and a willingness to follow Him in all that He commands me to do and to go wherever He sends me. And I believe my post from October 16, and the devotional I read that day, prepared me for tonight’s news. In fact, it is even more meaningful today than it was when I first read it. Since, if you click on the original link, it takes you to the current day’s devotional, I wanted to provide the original text from October 16:
Blogging friends, I pray you trust in the Lord today, embrace the peace He desires for you, and that you cling to the truth of Psalm 112:7, and also follow the exhortation of Joshua 1:16. May you experience the incredible blessings of God that He is sure to bring you as a result.
I participatd in an unexpected conference call at work tonight. During this call, it became very clear that the future of my career with this company is uncertain. The timing of this is incredibly poignant, as for those of you who read my blog know I am struggling with my career, and I have been pondering how I might take a different path in my life. I have been in prayer for the Lord to open and close doors as He desires and based on His will for my life. This may very well be a closing door. And instead of the anxiety and fear this would normally cause (considering I am the only income-earner in my family), I am at total peace. Even though the news was completely unexpected and even stunning, peace has permeated my thoughts and soul.
It gets better…my boss called me later (after I was home) to discuss the situation. She said, “you are much calmer than I expected.” I explained how God had blessed me with His peace. She is also a Christian, and had the same perspective, but she is in a very different place financially than I am, and she fully expected to need to help me come to terms with this. Instead, we discussed how God is in control. We talked about all of the other Christians in this company, most of whom have sacrificed so much for their demanding jobs, and some who have talked of pursuing other opportunities (such as starting or entering ministries). We rejoiced in our faith and our ability to be at peace in such uncertain times.
But there’s even more. After all of this, I read an email from a dear high school friend tonight who had read my blog and clicked on the link to the Turning Point devotional (from my post titled, “No Fear of Bad News”, below). Instead of taking her to the October 16 webpage, it took her to the current day’s devotional (which was at the time, October 19). And guess what the verse was? Joshua 1:16, “All that You command us we will do, and wherever You send us we will go.” She explained how that verse ministered to her at just the right moment…and little did she know how much I needed to read that verse as well! God is so good…He takes what we do and returns it to us in multiples!
Nothing may come of the news that was relayed to me at work tonight, and even if that’s the case, this situation has given me a much-needed attitude adjustment – the reminder that God is in control, a confirmation of what I believe I should be pursuing in my life (my vision/mission), and a willingness to follow Him in all that He commands me to do and to go wherever He sends me. And I believe my post from October 16, and the devotional I read that day, prepared me for tonight’s news. In fact, it is even more meaningful today than it was when I first read it. Since, if you click on the original link, it takes you to the current day’s devotional, I wanted to provide the original text from October 16:
No Fear of Bad News
He will not be afraid of evil tidings; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7
At first reading, Psalm 112 seems too good to be true; but on further study, we realize it's so good it must be true. This Psalm explains how God blesses us when we praise Him, fear Him, and delight in His commandments (verse 1).
Our children will be blessed by our faithfulness (verse 2), our needs will be met (verse 3), we'll become more gracious, compassionate, and righteous (verse 4), and more generous and discreet (verse 5). Best of all, we'll be secure in our hearts, unafraid of bad news (verses 6-8).
This isn't a promise that bad news will never come, for we all read the headlines every day and sometimes face that dreaded call in the night or those difficult conversations with a friend. But faith turns the bad news into items of prayer and objects of trust, for we know God works all things together for those who love Him (Romans 8:28). Because of God's sovereignty and Christ's resurrection, we have a peace the world can never understand. Our hearts are steadfast, trusting in the Lord.
Blogging friends, I pray you trust in the Lord today, embrace the peace He desires for you, and that you cling to the truth of Psalm 112:7, and also follow the exhortation of Joshua 1:16. May you experience the incredible blessings of God that He is sure to bring you as a result.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
No Fear of Bad News
I receive a daily devotional from Turning Point Ministries every morning. This morning's email, No Fear of Bad News (click here), really spoke to me, so I wanted to share it with you. I rarely watch the evening news as I think it should be labeled "Bad News" rather than just "News", but this verse (Psalm 112:7) is such a powerful reminder of Whose news we should trust. Enjoy...
Hope
Can you believe it?!? I won the contest I wrote about in “Leaving a Legacy” (below)! I met with the lifestyle coach, Dory, over the phone last week, and it was a valuable experience. She had great questions to get me thinking, "assignments" for me to complete (both as pre-work and post-coaching), and some really out-of-the-box ideas.
One of the most valuable pieces of advice she provided was to shift the paradigm of my thinking by remembering that "I don't know what I don't know". Instead of trying to fit my ideas into a pre-defined mold, I need to stay open to other opportunities by focusing on what my passions are and coupling them with my strengths/natural abilities (or what Dory calls "calling cards"). In just one hour she pointed me toward possibilities that I hadn't really thought of before.
Also, she calmed my fears about really being able to accomplish my dreams (or actually the fear is that I can't accomplish them without negatively impacting my family financially). I instead need to look at this current chapter as creating the building blocks for my future goals and to define the financial "jumping off point" where I will be comfortable moving from my current career into something new. (You're probably thinking, "well yeah, that makes sense...why hadn't you thought of that?" Okay, okay...I had defined a number of things, including the dollar figure of what I need in the bank to "retire" someday, but I hadn't defined in detail this important milestone in between.)
Here’s the one caveat…it’s again more “work” to move toward a different future. More time, more effort, more work setting things in motion. Already I’m burning the candle at both ends, so that’s truly a dilemma. I’m getting only about five hours of sleep a night. (Well, except today, when my oldest son had to wake me up for homeschooling because I was so tired last night I set the time on my alarm clock but forget to actually turn it on! Okay, and here’s the amazing thing…he actually woke me up and didn’t take advantage of the fact I overslept! I homeschool him on Mondays and Friday mornings due to my work schedule…and I cherish those days…and obviously he doesn’t dread it as much as I thought he did!)
Today I read in one of the blogs I like to visit (http://www.lovejoelr.blogspot.com/) that “the day just needs to be longer than 24 hours”. I sure have felt like that the last couple of months. Honestly, sometimes I forget that my hope is in the Lord. I cannot place my hope in a lifestyle coach, a new career path, or in myself and my efforts. I must meditate on Isaiah 40:31, which states, ”…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” I have been trying to rely on my own strength, and I am so weary. I look forward to soaring on wings like eagles as I give it all to God and ask that He be the One to show me “what I don’t know”.
One of the most valuable pieces of advice she provided was to shift the paradigm of my thinking by remembering that "I don't know what I don't know". Instead of trying to fit my ideas into a pre-defined mold, I need to stay open to other opportunities by focusing on what my passions are and coupling them with my strengths/natural abilities (or what Dory calls "calling cards"). In just one hour she pointed me toward possibilities that I hadn't really thought of before.
Also, she calmed my fears about really being able to accomplish my dreams (or actually the fear is that I can't accomplish them without negatively impacting my family financially). I instead need to look at this current chapter as creating the building blocks for my future goals and to define the financial "jumping off point" where I will be comfortable moving from my current career into something new. (You're probably thinking, "well yeah, that makes sense...why hadn't you thought of that?" Okay, okay...I had defined a number of things, including the dollar figure of what I need in the bank to "retire" someday, but I hadn't defined in detail this important milestone in between.)
Here’s the one caveat…it’s again more “work” to move toward a different future. More time, more effort, more work setting things in motion. Already I’m burning the candle at both ends, so that’s truly a dilemma. I’m getting only about five hours of sleep a night. (Well, except today, when my oldest son had to wake me up for homeschooling because I was so tired last night I set the time on my alarm clock but forget to actually turn it on! Okay, and here’s the amazing thing…he actually woke me up and didn’t take advantage of the fact I overslept! I homeschool him on Mondays and Friday mornings due to my work schedule…and I cherish those days…and obviously he doesn’t dread it as much as I thought he did!)
Today I read in one of the blogs I like to visit (http://www.lovejoelr.blogspot.com/) that “the day just needs to be longer than 24 hours”. I sure have felt like that the last couple of months. Honestly, sometimes I forget that my hope is in the Lord. I cannot place my hope in a lifestyle coach, a new career path, or in myself and my efforts. I must meditate on Isaiah 40:31, which states, ”…but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” I have been trying to rely on my own strength, and I am so weary. I look forward to soaring on wings like eagles as I give it all to God and ask that He be the One to show me “what I don’t know”.
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Leaving a Legacy
As I drop off my son each day at school, he asks, “Will I see you tonight?”
You see, I ensure that whenever I can (which is most mornings), I take my youngest son to school on my way to work. I do that to ensure I see him at least once during the day since I often have to work late into the evening. Lately, his question has broken my heart more than usual. I drive away crying, and I find that I am struggling more and more being away from my boys, away from my husband, and yearning in my heart to “come home”.
My job demands many hours and much effort. It consumes not only my presence, but also much of my thought, time and attention. And, as the sole person working in my household, I have felt basically powerless to change it. However, I pray that changes tomorrow.
I entered a contest through “The Daring”, a community website that exists “to bring women together to collaborate, grow their businesses, enhance their lives, and achieve their most daring dreams”. The contest was for a free one-hour coaching session with Dory Willer, founder of Beacon Quest Coaching, which specializes in business success, career and life renewal coaching. Dory went from being an executive at a Fortune 100 company to a successful entrepreneur, which prompted me to enter the contest. After all, she has accomplished what I have only dared to dream about. I am ready to make my dreams a reality.
The contest entailed writing about what makes me ready to take my life to “the next level”. I spoke of my situation, and I explained the work I have done to define my vision statement, which is:
To provide individuals desiring to improve their lives, and the lives of those around them, with Christ-honoring information and resources that enables them to achieve success and fulfillment, personally and professionally.
I wrote of several business models that I thought could be used to fulfill this vision. And, I asked for the one-hour coaching session to help bring clarity and structure on how to successfully start the process to move from a more-than-full-time job to living out my dream full time. I want to move from the temporary trappings of this world and leave a legacy that points to Christ, just as Nicole Nordeman’s song says. May God open my eyes and heart to the path that will lead me there…for His glory, not for my accolades. Nicole says it better than I can…
Legacy
By Nicole Nordeman
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me,
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest.
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so ‘n’ so's that used to be the best
At such 'n' such ... it wouldn't matter much.
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights.
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'.
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world.
CHORUS:
I want to leave a legacy.
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering;
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed Your name unapologetically,
And leave that kind of legacy.
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy.
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such, will soon enough destroy.
CHORUS
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred;
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
CHORUS
You see, I ensure that whenever I can (which is most mornings), I take my youngest son to school on my way to work. I do that to ensure I see him at least once during the day since I often have to work late into the evening. Lately, his question has broken my heart more than usual. I drive away crying, and I find that I am struggling more and more being away from my boys, away from my husband, and yearning in my heart to “come home”.
My job demands many hours and much effort. It consumes not only my presence, but also much of my thought, time and attention. And, as the sole person working in my household, I have felt basically powerless to change it. However, I pray that changes tomorrow.
I entered a contest through “The Daring”, a community website that exists “to bring women together to collaborate, grow their businesses, enhance their lives, and achieve their most daring dreams”. The contest was for a free one-hour coaching session with Dory Willer, founder of Beacon Quest Coaching, which specializes in business success, career and life renewal coaching. Dory went from being an executive at a Fortune 100 company to a successful entrepreneur, which prompted me to enter the contest. After all, she has accomplished what I have only dared to dream about. I am ready to make my dreams a reality.
The contest entailed writing about what makes me ready to take my life to “the next level”. I spoke of my situation, and I explained the work I have done to define my vision statement, which is:
To provide individuals desiring to improve their lives, and the lives of those around them, with Christ-honoring information and resources that enables them to achieve success and fulfillment, personally and professionally.
I wrote of several business models that I thought could be used to fulfill this vision. And, I asked for the one-hour coaching session to help bring clarity and structure on how to successfully start the process to move from a more-than-full-time job to living out my dream full time. I want to move from the temporary trappings of this world and leave a legacy that points to Christ, just as Nicole Nordeman’s song says. May God open my eyes and heart to the path that will lead me there…for His glory, not for my accolades. Nicole says it better than I can…
Legacy
By Nicole Nordeman
I don't mind if you've got something nice to say about me,
And I enjoy an accolade like the rest.
You could take my picture and hang it in a gallery
Of all who's who and so ‘n’ so's that used to be the best
At such 'n' such ... it wouldn't matter much.
I won't lie, it feels alright to see your name in lights.
We all need an 'Atta boy' or 'Atta girl'.
But in the end I'd like to hang my hat on more besides
The temporary trappings of this world.
CHORUS:
I want to leave a legacy.
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love? Did I point to You enough
To make a mark on things?
I want to leave an offering;
A child of mercy and grace who
blessed Your name unapologetically,
And leave that kind of legacy.
I don't have to look too far or too long awhile
To make a lengthy list of all that I enjoy.
It's an accumulating trinket and a treasure pile
Where moth and rust, thieves and such, will soon enough destroy.
CHORUS
Not well traveled, not well read, not well-to-do or well bred;
Just want to hear instead, "Well Done" good and faithful one...
CHORUS
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
The Love of a Father
In one of the most amazing blogs I have ever read (http://noahstevenblogspot.com), a grieving mom recently wrote, “To be loved is a powerful thing and to give love is difficult but so fulfilling.” This was written to another grieving woman who had just lost her mom. The writer had lost her beautiful baby boy before his first birthday.
I do not know the depths of such grief. I pray with my entire being that I will never know the grief as one who lives with such a loss on a daily basis. But this woman also exudes love. Love and peace and joy. She is an inspiration, and she is the reason I started blogging, though I have never met her in person.
I praise God that I also know such love. The love of a parent for a child. You have all read my heart as it relates to my own boys, as “My Purpose” states to the right on my blog. Today, I was the recipient of that kind of love…I received the most beautiful email from my father. It read,
The music video is Tim Mcgraw singing “My Little Girl”. I cried and cried upon hearing it. What an incredible father I have. This is a man who has always believed in me, accepted me even when I disappointed him, and though his life is quite busy and at times chaotic (raising his three great-grandchildren), he took time to think of me and send me this song. Oh, to be so loved. What a blessing.
Today, have you told someone you care about how much you really love them? Have you done something that expressed that love in a meaningful way? Please hurry. Do it today. Do it every day.
I recognize that for some reading this, you may not have experienced this kind of love from your earthly father. Do you know that there is a God in heaven who is your Abba Father? I remember watching a video one time and seeing a little Israeli boy running after his father and saying, “Abba, Abba”, and the father scooped him up and hugged him close. Abba literally means “Papa” or “Daddy”.
The apostle Paul says that you can call out to God saying, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:14 and Galatians 4:6) The word “Abba” is a loving term. You can cry out to God saying “Daddy”, or “Papa”…and He will answer, scoop you up, and hug you close.
A song, “Abba Father”, written by Rebecca St. James, Tedd T. & Otto Price, really speaks to my heart. It goes like this:
My Rhapsody Playlist
I'm feeling like the eagle that rises
Flies above the earth
And its troubles
Oh yes he knows that
There are valleys below
But under his wings
There's a stronger power
Oh Father - You are my strength
On You I wait upon
CHORUS:
You make the road rise up to meet me
You make the sun shine
Warm upon my face
The wind is at my back
And the rain falls soft
God I lift You high -- You are my Abba
Running in this race to the finish line
The only road for me is the narrow
Not gonna stop or even look to the side
When I fix my eyes on You Jesus
Oh Father - You are my strength
Now more than ever
[CHORUS 2X]
When you've run too far
And the road is long
Can't walk another mile
He is waiting
Hope in Him again
He'll renew you
Then you will rise
Gather up your wings and fly...
[CHORUS 2X]
(Whispered):
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
He gives strength to the weary
To those who hope in Him
They will soar like eagles
Thank you God, for being my “Abba Father”. And thank you, too, for giving me a father who truly exemplifies You and helps me to see You through his life. May I be that kind of person who shows such amazing love…that others may see You through me as well.
I do not know the depths of such grief. I pray with my entire being that I will never know the grief as one who lives with such a loss on a daily basis. But this woman also exudes love. Love and peace and joy. She is an inspiration, and she is the reason I started blogging, though I have never met her in person.
I praise God that I also know such love. The love of a parent for a child. You have all read my heart as it relates to my own boys, as “My Purpose” states to the right on my blog. Today, I was the recipient of that kind of love…I received the most beautiful email from my father. It read,
Michelle,
I know you are all grown up with a family, but you are still my little girl and I love you. This link is a music video that I heard and expresses my feelings.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9I5UV4VWCSk
Love, Dad
The music video is Tim Mcgraw singing “My Little Girl”. I cried and cried upon hearing it. What an incredible father I have. This is a man who has always believed in me, accepted me even when I disappointed him, and though his life is quite busy and at times chaotic (raising his three great-grandchildren), he took time to think of me and send me this song. Oh, to be so loved. What a blessing.
Today, have you told someone you care about how much you really love them? Have you done something that expressed that love in a meaningful way? Please hurry. Do it today. Do it every day.
I recognize that for some reading this, you may not have experienced this kind of love from your earthly father. Do you know that there is a God in heaven who is your Abba Father? I remember watching a video one time and seeing a little Israeli boy running after his father and saying, “Abba, Abba”, and the father scooped him up and hugged him close. Abba literally means “Papa” or “Daddy”.
The apostle Paul says that you can call out to God saying, “Abba, Father.” (Romans 8:14 and Galatians 4:6) The word “Abba” is a loving term. You can cry out to God saying “Daddy”, or “Papa”…and He will answer, scoop you up, and hug you close.
A song, “Abba Father”, written by Rebecca St. James, Tedd T. & Otto Price, really speaks to my heart. It goes like this:
My Rhapsody PlaylistI'm feeling like the eagle that rises
Flies above the earth
And its troubles
Oh yes he knows that
There are valleys below
But under his wings
There's a stronger power
Oh Father - You are my strength
On You I wait upon
CHORUS:
You make the road rise up to meet me
You make the sun shine
Warm upon my face
The wind is at my back
And the rain falls soft
God I lift You high -- You are my Abba
Running in this race to the finish line
The only road for me is the narrow
Not gonna stop or even look to the side
When I fix my eyes on You Jesus
Oh Father - You are my strength
Now more than ever
[CHORUS 2X]
When you've run too far
And the road is long
Can't walk another mile
He is waiting
Hope in Him again
He'll renew you
Then you will rise
Gather up your wings and fly...
[CHORUS 2X]
(Whispered):
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
He gives strength to the weary
To those who hope in Him
They will soar like eagles
Thank you God, for being my “Abba Father”. And thank you, too, for giving me a father who truly exemplifies You and helps me to see You through his life. May I be that kind of person who shows such amazing love…that others may see You through me as well.
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